Dedicated to @fairyofchocolate who decided that I should make this a chapter. Proper dedication when I'm on my computer.
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There are 10 members of the Akatsuki. Pein, Konan, Deidara, Sasori, Hidan, Kakuzu, Itachi, Kisame, Obito/Tobi, and Zetsu. So many complaints come in the OC world of the Akatsuki, so I am breaking this down into a two part rant! The first part covers an issue in battling and abilities before getting to 5 members, and the second covers an issue in relationships and emotions before getting to another 5. Let's begin!
X | Akatsuki Abilities
Even with the fact that people give their own OCs insane abilities, what rustles my jimmies more is when people mess up the abilities of canon characters. That's a part of my rants I always address, and it's no different here. If Itachi's Susano'o has a sword that can seal people, don't say it can also absorb their abilities because you feel like it. If it's not in the wiki or part of the show, it doesn't work like that. Their abilities are what have been stated, nothing else.
X | Akatsuki Battles
Battles with an Akatsuki member usually span a good chapter or two entirely. Your previous chapter should end with a setup for the battle and your next 2-3 should be battling with mild-to-little conversation (unless your getting some exposition in). Usually Akatsuki battles are 1v1, 2v1, or 2v2. That's it. You can't hitch a ride with Kisame's duo and make it a 3-man squad, Mk? Also, these are S-rank criminals! If they're faced with a fodder (someone's who's weak and useless) then they'll beat them in 3 seconds flat. If they're faced with the more-common S-ranked Jonin or even ANBU, you'll have a good long battle to write out.
1 | Deidara
Let's get this straight into ranting. Deidara is not your gay best friend who gives you fashion advice and constantly blows up the "base," pulling pranks left and right while making you clay jewelry, Mk? He is a fucking teenager with a bombing addiction that only gets out of hand when he needs it to. The Akatsuki send him on missions where they are open to be flashy.
Also, un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un! ITS NOT A DAMN WORD!
2 | Sasori
Let's get this straight. The man is a puppet. He looks like he's 15 but is probably in his 30s. I hate this whole Sasori x OC thing that everyone keeps doing. He's not young, he's certainly not in love, and he probably does not have a penis. Unless you want your babies coming out of a wooden garden hose, stop and be a real Akatsuki member, Mk? Sasori was a man who abandoned 95% of his humanity an 100% of his "man-ity" to become a puppet and basically be immortal.
3 | Hidan
Let me spell out your average Hidan in every single fan fiction, then I'll move on to the next character.
3...
2...
1...
*inhales*
"WHO THE F**K STOLE THE F**KING REMOTE! YOU LITTLE SH*T F**K F**KERS WITH F**KING PAY FOR YOUR *SS SH*T F**K *SS SH*T! I WILL CUT YOUR F**KING F**K *SS B*TCH *SSES AND MAKE A F*CKING SACRIFICE!!!!"
4 | Kakuzu
The fandom doesn't know what to do with this kid, so they just make him the Mr. Krabs of Naruto. What those that mean?
Money money money money money don't touch my money get away from my money kids you kids are annoying money money money money money money money money don't touch my money get away from my money kids you kids are annoying money money money money money money money money don't touch my money get away from my money kids you kids are annoying money money money money.
5 | Itachi
No explaining, just listen to the monologue.
Itachi stood on top of the base, staring out at the sky above. He unloaded it all on me that night. It had only been two weeks in and he told me everything. He was the reason his clan died. He was his brother's source of hatred. He was the key to it all, unlocking a chest of sorrow and lies buried under fake personas and things that make kids cry. I listened as he told me that he loved me. How he loved my evil and how I acted. His he loved my ginormous jugs and rambunctious ass. He drove me into the roof, kissing me passionately before his Mangekyo activated, and his Totsuka blade passed through my Yata Mirror, sealing our love, his lies...
And our new baby boy.
Audibly wincing
