Losing This War » Sequel to SMFM

Chapter 19

**Side note: I'm watching Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 while writing this because I'm cool like that. So don't be surprised if this chapter goes from decent to shit in 2.5 seconds because I'm too engulfed in the movie to write properly.**

I locked myself up in my old room. It looked just the same as it did when I left. Except for the empty pill and bleach bottles on the floor. I sighed and sat on the floor next to them. Arianna. I still wasn't happy with her. I mean, what kind of friend does that. Goes off and kisses the guy you like. I couldn't help but feel like it was my fault that all this happened. It was your fault, idiot. There was a knock on the door. "Meg? You in there?" Phil. "Y-yeah. I'll b-be out soon," My voice cracked as I muttered it out. Tears formed in my eyes. I closed them tightly and slowly muttered out, "I'm sorry, Arianna."

--

"Megan! Come on, we're going to start watching American Horror Story without you!" Dan yelled from the lounge. I pulled on one of Dan's hoodies, covering my mutilated arms. I walked into the lounge slowly. Both Dan and Phil looked at me as I walked in. "You okay?" Dan asked, raising his eyebrows. "Yeah, just feeling a bit ill. I'll be fine," I muttered and walked over to sit in the middle of them. I leaned against Dan, who then wrapped his arm around my shoulders. They started the episode of AHS, but I couldn't keep my focus on it. My mind had all other sorts of things running through it. I finally just closed my eyes and buried my head in Dan's chest. Dan noticed and he whispered into my ear, "Are you sure you're okay?" I shook my head. Without saying a word, I got up and walked out. I went to Dan and I's room and collapsed onto the bed, screaming into the pillows. I put my hands on my head, pulling at my hair. I'm going insane.

--

"What's wrong?" I heard Dan. I didn't look up. I didn't say anything. I just continued to lay there, face buried in the many pillows. I felt him sit down beside me. "Meg?" He mumbled, placing a hand on my back. I moved my head to the side so that I could speak without the pillows muffling the words. "I'm losing my mind," I sat up, looking at Dan. "I don't know what to do. I went in my old room and I saw the bottles. It's my fault. I just feel so guilty!" I cried out, tears springing to my eyes. I took in a deep breath, closing my eyes. "I've told you this, Meg. It's not your fault," I opened my eyes again, eyes landing on Dan. "Yes, it is! I'm the one that said she was just using me for you guys. I said that she was just like everyone else. Everyone uses me to meet you guys! I'm sick of it. I wasn't even thinking when I said all that stuff to her. She had just got out of the mental ward after a suicide attempt and here I go making her attempt suicide again," I broke down. Tears streamed down my face. He took me into his arms, kissing the top of my head. "Life is a damn war and I'm losing it."

**Okay, so it's 12 am so it's my friend's birthday. This chapter is dedicated to her because she has stuck by me for years and she's one of my few friends who support my books. SO HAPPY BIRTHDAY, YOU MANIAC. HAVE FUN. EVERYONE GO SAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY. She's @.nutmegan1234. Thanks for reading! Love you all!**

[Edit from 2017: ^^ In 3 years, you will realize just how horrible that chick is and you will drop her quick. She may have been your best friend for 6 years, but sweetie, she just made your depression worse. I wish past Megan could see this because I need her to drop this chick as soon as she says that past Megan was being too negative (and that she couldn't talk to me while I was being this negative) after the chick had complained for two straight days about some random problem. DROP HER, SWEETIE.]