when to let go | l.h.

eight

luke didn't stay very long. he felt terrible when he left. he didn't want to leave, but i wouldn't let him miss work because of me and as much as he disliked the idea, i did need to talk to daniel when he got home.

i was sat on the couch when he finally arrived, staring at at the dark screen of the tv as my mind wandered in search of what words needed to be said.

he froze when i looked over making eye contact with him. his green eyes now looked unfamiliar to me. i only wondered what i looked like to him.

"can we talk?.." he asked as if he read my mind. he cautiously approached the couch as if it weren't his own and took a seat at the end opposite of me. i scanned over him as if i was searching for anything that looked familiar to me. anything that would calm my nerves and make the sick feeling in my stomach disappear only to find a stranger.

daniel must have taken my silence and the fact that i had yet to run away from him as an answer as he began to talk.

"you know i love you laila.. it was all just a mistake. you have to believe me."

every time daniel did something wrong he told me he loved me and made an excuse. and i took that excuse and ran with it as if nothing even occurred in the first place. i molded the excuse to fit what i wanted to hear because i was terrified of losing the person i loved the most. i let it happen so many times but this time was different. this time luke's words rang in my ears.

"it can be hard to know when to let go.. but you deserve so much more. love can make you blind and oblivious to all the pain but deep down i know you feel it. you hide the fact that you're hurt laila and you're only hurting yourself more."

i had heard the lecture many times but this time while i was in search of an excuse that would let daniel off the hook, i couldn't seem find one. all i could think about was the fact that i could never imagine even flirting with someone who wasn't my boyfriend and i was tired of not getting the same effort back.

"not this time daniel, i-i can't do this anymore. i love you but i deserve to be happy." i sighed and pushed myself to my feet only to be stopped by his hand on my wrist.

"no laila, we're not done. you can't really just throw this all away after fours years." he scoffed as if the notion was ridiculous.

"i'm not the one who threw it away, i'm not the one who missed our anniversary because they were sleeping with someone else. i'm not the one playing games here." there was a mix of sadness and anger that i felt growing in my chest. how was he going to make me out to be the bad guy?

i watched as his eyes changed from unfamiliar to ones that were all too familiar to me. he was angry, but what did he have to be angry about?

his grip on my wrist tightened slightly as he used my arm to tug himself up and inches away from my face. "oh you're not playing games? that's why you chose that group of idiots over me last night?"

it was my turn to scoff. "you really are delusional. you cheated on me and want to turn me out to be the bad guys because i went to drink with my friends to try and forget how upset i was that my boyfriend missed an important day for me. i also invited you to come with daniel, do you remember that? or were you too busy getting drunk and sleeping with someone else to remember?"

in an instant the room was silent and the only sound to be heard was the echo of daniel's hand across my cheek. i stumbled backwards and quickly threw my hand up to caress the stinging skin in disbelief. he slapped me.

the person standing in front of me became unfamiliar once again. the expression on his face changing to one of shock at his own actions that just occurred.

"l-laila i'm so sorry.." his voice came out cracked and he took a step towards me again only for me to step back.

"i didn't m-mean to.." he said again, reaching his hand out to grab mine but i only flinched away, coming to my senses.

"don't touch me.." i whispered, taking another step back before turning myself around all together to grab my keys off the counter and head to the door.

daniel pleaded after me but i could no longer hear him. all i could focus on was the feeling in my chest that told me the air was getting thicker around me and i needed to get out. so that's what i did.

***

i hadn't been thinking when my brain told me to go to luke's. i knew he was at work and wouldn't be home for another hour but in this moment i just needed someone i could trust. i just needed my best friend, so i sat on a bench outside his apartment building with my arms wrapped around myself until he arrived.

it wasn't until i heard luke's voice that my brain actually began to slow down.

"laila?" he asked, voice laced with confusion when he saw me sitting there. "what's wrong?"

but i didn't need to tell him, when his eyes landed on my face he knew. his jaw clenched but his look of concern never faded from his features. without another word he offered me his hand and led me into his apartment and it wasn't until he changed out of his work clothes, made a fresh pot of tea, and got us both situated on the couch like the night before that he spoke again.

"what happened?" he asked and slowly brought his hand up to graze his thumb over the redness on my cheek. i didn't flinch away because with luke i felt safe.

so i told him everything.

{author's note}
i hate daniel and i hate myself for writing this.
but bby luke to the rescue. :-)
(unedited)