when to let go | l.h.

twenty

"you like me?" i whispered quietly. my face felt as if i had sat in the sun all day with how warm my cheeks seemed to get in that moment.

"i mean i kissed you.." he chuckled softly, scratching the back of his neck.

i didn't really know what to say. i wasn't really sure what i was currently feeling. all i knew is that i was still healing from daniel. there were some days when i was glad to be out of that relationship because i know it'll be better for me but other days i just feel my heart shatter all over again.

"i-i don't know what.." i start but sigh. "i'm still getting over daniel i guess.. i'm not really ready for anything with anyone right now." i let my head fall and finally broke eye contact with the blonde. "i'm sorry lu. i'm just lost right now." my words just continued to flow, my voice cracking slightly.

luke reached over and gently took my hand in his, giving it a reassuring squeeze as he rest our hands in my lap.

"you have nothing to be sorry for, i have waited this long to tell you how i feel and i am willing to wait however long it takes for you to heal. when you are ready, we'll talk about it. i just wanted to tell you lai. no matter what, you're still my best friend." the sincerity in his voice was enough to calm my racing heart. i didn't want him to get upset with me and leave.

i hadn't realized how tightly i was squeezing his hand until he squeezed mine once more. "hey," he said gently, making me look up at him. "i don't want you to feel like you have to be with me or anything, take your time bub okay? but no matter what decision you make, just know you deserve to be treated way better than how you have been in the past." 

i smiled gently and rubbed at my eyes. "thank you lu." i couldn't help but lean forward and pull him into a hug, sighing in content when i felt his arms wrap around me. his lips gently kissed my head and i felt my cheeks heat up.

i wasn't going to let things be awkward between us because we have always been close. luke having feelings for me, although confusing, doesn't change anything between us.

"don't thank me okay? just focus on your happiness." i nodded in agreement at this and pulled away from his embrace.

"awe so little luke has a crush on me?" i tease playfully causing him to groan lean back on the couch closing his eyes with a goofy smile on his face.,

"you have no idea sweetheart."

***

surprisingly, luke's confession didn't really change anything between us. he respected that i needed time and didn't try to push anything.

i on the other hand was left wondering how i felt. luke and i have always been close, from the moment we met it felt as if i had known him my whole life. we just clicked. but, the whole time i have known luke i was with daniel and i would never even imagine looking at another guy while i was in a relationship. i truly did love daniel and even though he did some terrible things, i think a piece of that love will always remain. however, i wouldn't deny that luke was incredibly attractive, anybody could see that. i wasn't going to base my feelings however on appearance as to me it truly didn't matter what you look like; if we have a connection then we have a connection.

during the past few weeks of living with luke we have been a bit closer. he comforted me and held me when i was sad, he always made sure i ate and to ask me how my day was if we didn't spend it together. i couldn't deny either that there were a few times i caught myself staring at him and we did share a few moments looking back on them.

but did all of that mean i had a crush or did it just mean that i'm just lucky enough to have such a great best friend?

i pushed the thoughts aside as i shifted my attention to my phone notifying me of a message i had received. i smiled seeing the text from michael saying they were here and waiting outside.

i decided to join the boys tonight on one of their fan fave friday bar nights. i figured it would be nice to be with my friends and get to have a little fun for once. i was a bit disappointed that luke had to work late and wasn't able to make it but i knew it would still be fun.

i checked my makeup one last time before walking out to meet the boys to drive to the bar. as i took my seat in the car, calum whistled lowly.

"look at you little laila." he chuckled gently as i rolled my eyes. "i didn't know you were this hot." his tone and words were all playful and ik es he was teasing.

nudging his arm gently, i replied with a giggle. "okay boys let's go have some fun."

it didn't take long for me to become slightly tipsy as michael and calum insisted on doing shots. i didn't like to think i was a light weight but doing three shots in a span of only an hour i was definitely a little drunk.

deciding i had had enough shots for awhile i ordered myself a drink and slowly sipped that instead, not wanting to be completely plastered at the end of the night. i still enjoyed my time as i danced and chatted with the boys.

as the night was coming to an end, ashton, who was the designated driver for the night, ushered us all into the car in order to take us home. i was the first one to get dropped off and ashton made sure to walk me up to the apartment to make sure i got in safe. i kisses his cheek and thanked him before stepping into the apartment with a giggle.

as i held onto the door frame and leaned down in order to take my heels off, i was stopped by a gentle hand on my back.

"let me help." i was greeted by luke's ice blue eyes as he bent down to slip my heels off of my feet. "did you have a good time tonight?" he asked as he stood back up.

i nodded with a hiccup. "did you know michael can dance?" i giggled softly. luke nodded with a chuckle before walking with me to the living room where a movie was playing.

"i wish you could've come tonight," i pouted, taking a seat on the couch with my legs crossed.

"oh yeah? why's that?" the blonde asked, seemingly amused.

"cause i missed you and you're still a much better dancer than mikey." i pouted causing the blonde boy to chuckle.

"i'll be there next time okay? but i'm glad you had fun tonight."

i nodded and rested my head on his shoulder, already feeling a slight head ache forming. "lu?" i asked softly.

he hummed in response to let me know he was listening as his hand gently rubbed my back.

"will you dance with me next time?" i slurred before yawning again causing the boy to laugh. i pouted a bit more before he nodded.

"always bub." he smiled softly, the room once again falling silent.

"luke?" i asked once more.

"yes laila?" he asked turning his gaze away from the tv.

"two more things," i started to which he nodded. "one, i'm a little drunk right now."

luke laughed softly and nodded. "really? i couldn't tell." he joked earning a playful glare from me.

"let me finish!" i giggled. "two, i really want to kiss you right now."

{author's note}
here's another update for all of you lovely people.
thank you to everyone reading and supporting this book, it really means a lot!
feel free to check out my other book 'english love affair' if you're interested. i will be updating that book soon!
love you all :)
(unedited)