when to let go | l.h.

fifteen

i was mad at myself for not being over daniel. i was mad i still loved him and cared for him even though he put me through so much pain. i was mad i blamed myself even though i knew it was wrong.

some days are better than others but most days i just want to lay in bed and stare at the ceiling. every thing i do makes me think of daniel as he was a constant person in my life for four years.

it's hard to look back on all of our memories and wonder where it all went wrong and if there was anything i could've done to prevent it, if there was a chance we would still be head over heels in love. but all my questions can't be answered so i'm left feeling empty.

i'm left to only assume.

i'm mad i can't just let things go.

every night my mind raced with these thoughts making it hard to fall asleep. i'm left staring at the mostly empty walls as sad songs play in my headphones. sure maybe it didn't help to listen to sad music but it helped me feel as though i'm not completely alone because there are other people who have felt this way before.

it was currently almost two in the morning and i still laid awake. as i didn't feel as if i'd be asleep any time soon and thankfully i didn't have work tomorrow, i decided to get up and get some water.

i stood and pulled on a sweater as my feet hit the cold floor before quietly walking to the kitchen in order to not wake up the sleeping blonde across the hall. nothing sounded better at the moment than a warm cup of tea so i put the kettle on the sat at the counter patiently waiting as i scrolled through my phone. i hadn't noticed luke had made an appearance until he cleared his throat quietly from the doorway. my gaze shifted from my phone to the tall boy who stood rubbing his eyes, resembling a small child.

"what are you doing up lai?" he yawned and walked over sitting beside me at the counter.

"just couldn't sleep." i shrugged and glanced down at my fingers with a quiet sigh.

he nods. "me too."

we say in a comfortable silence until the kettle was ready and i stood to make our tea. luke put his hand on my shoulder and stood behind me. "you sit, i've got it."

i sent him a grateful smile and watched as he began to make our tea. i shifted my attention back to my hands when i caught myself staring at my best friend's arms and the muscles in his back as he did such a simple task. it's not that i didn't know he was fit, i just never took the time to notice it before. i felt a blush crew up on my cheeks and was grateful for the lack of light shining in the small kitchen.

"let's go sit on the couch, yeah?" luke asked, breaking me from my thoughts. i followed the tall boy into the living room and took a seat beside him as he sat.

"thank you." i whisper when he hands me a cup of tea. quickly, i take a sip and hum in satisfaction.

"good?" he mumbles and i nod once more before leaning my head on his shoulder. again we let the comfortable silence envelope us as we quietly sipped on our tea.

after waiting until our glasses were almost empty, luke shifted and looked at me. "do you want to tell me what's wrong?" his tone wasn't accusing or harsh, but soft and genuine.

"uh," i sigh and lean forward to place my cup on the small coffee table. "it's nothing new. just the same old thoughts of daniel." i avoided looking up at my friend as i knew he'd see through me and know there was more i wasn't letting on to but, as he sighed beside me i knew he already knew there was more.

"lai, i know you loved him but you need to forget him." he sighed deeply and i began to feel tears burn my eyes.

"you don't think i don't know that already luke?" i mumbled and cross my arms. "but he was my life for four years! i just want to know what i did w-wrong."

a shaky breath was the only thing holding me together as i waited for him to answer. it was quiet for a long while before luke answered again leaving my mind to wander. that was until his voice broke the silence again.

"laila.. i-you need to know you did nothing wrong in that relationship. you were way too kind and generous to him and it's not your fault that he took advantage of such a good thing. don't let that ruin who you are, don't for a second think you weren't good enough because you are. i know it sucks right now but trust me when i say you will find someone who will never take advantage of you but encourage you to be better." luke rambled on for a while and i sat quietly listening to him. the tears that were threatening to spill finally did and i quickly brought my hand up to wipe them away but luke stopped me and did it for me. his hands stayed cupping my cheeks so i was forced to look at him.

"if i had a girlfriend who treated me as good as you treated that douche bag, i would do everything in my power to make sure she was happy and loved." he chuckled softly causing a sad laugh to escape my lips.

"t-too bad you can't get a g-girlfriend." i teased through the tears. luke playfully rolled his eyes and gently pulled my head against his chest. his hands carefully brushed at my hair and rubbed my back trying to calm me down.

"for your information, i'm only single because i'm waiting for the right girl. i don't want any meaningless hookups." he chuckled softly and i brought my head up to look at him.

"awe lu... i'm sure you'll find her." i let out a soft laugh as he brought his hands back to my cheeks. for a second he held my gaze before he spoke again.

"i'm sure i will.." his voice came out barely above a whisper and his eyes never moved from mine.

"you're a good guy.." a small smile graced his lips causing me to smile too. 

"we should head to bed."  he whispered once more but made no effort to move. i nodded in response and slowly pulled back before standing up.

"uh, thank you for- uh listening."

luke nodded and stood up too. "sleep well, yeah?" he said before turning and heading to his room.

"uh luke... can you maybe stay with me tonight?" it came out quickly before i even had time to think about it but it was comforting to have someone beside me. i shook my head but stopped when he nodded.

"course lai, lets go." he dragged me to his room and pulled me down beside him quickly.

"if you don't want to luke it's okay." i chuckle but he shakes his head.

"why wouldn't i want to have a sleep over with my best friend? now lay down and get some sleep."

i giggled once more before doing as he said, curling up under the blanket. "goodnight luke."

he smiled and glanced over in my direction. "goodnight."

and for the third time that week, i fell asleep beside my best friend and i fell asleep instantly.

{author's note}
just some fluff before- hehe
i hope you are all like this story
i love to hear any comments you have!
thank you for reading!
(unedited)