when to let go | l.h.

twelve

the boys all decided that we should have a party to celebrate me moving into luke's apartment.

by party they mean get drunk at the apartment until we all crash. and considering that luke's spare room was now my room, we decided it would be best if luke and i shared a room and let the rest of the boys argue about where they slept.

calum and michael arrived around eight with multiple cases of beer and a few pizzas for the group and ashton came a little after, carrying in a plant or as he called it, a house warming present.

"a small plant for the small girl." ashton gave his signature giggle as he handed it to me. "make sure you don't forget to water it though.. it's very important." the brown haired boy placed a hand on his chest and pretended to wipe away a fake tear. "that's how my lemon tree died.."

calum groaned at his friends dramatics but came over and wrapped his arm around his shoulder anyway. "listen mate, we've been over this. it was just a tree."

"you wouldn't be saying that if you forgot to feed duke and he-"

"i wouldn't dare forget about my dog!" calum gasped. "i love him."

"that's why you don't have a girlfriend, cause you're in love with your dog." michael chimed in, high-fiving luke in process only to earn a scowl from the dark haired boy.

"last time i checked you both had dogs you were also in love with." calum argued.

"may i remind you, i am the only one in this room who is dating someone. lucas over here is too obsessed with little petunia to be in a stable relationship. i'm sure laila agreed with me." each boy turned to me with a curious look.

i raised my arms up in defense. "i mean, he is quite obsessed with his dog but i don't think that's why he's single." i bit my lip to hold back my laugh.

"hey!" luke pouted at me but i only smiled back causing the blonde to roll his eyes. "i need a drink."
the boy grumbled.

the change of topic put an end to the bickering as everyone's attention turned to luke who had started to fill up some shot glasses.

once he finished and everyone had their shot ready, ashton raised his glass and spoke. "to laila and new beginnings."

ashton was usually the 'wisest' of all the boys and a man of many inspirational words but tonight he was short and simple and it warmed my heart as they all repeated him before downing their shots. i was grateful for each of the boys in that room for sticking by my side through everything right now.

i was pulled from my thoughts by calum nudging my arm and handing me a beer as he leaned on the counter next to me.

"so laila, how are you feeling about starting a new job on monday?" calum asked before sipping on his own beer.

"honestly, i'm kind of nervous. i mean sure, i'm just a secretary but it's still a huge company and a great opportunity." i shrugged my shoulders but he just chuckled.

"hey, i had to start as an intern to even get to be just a secretary so they must like you" he smiled and held up air quotes with his fingers. "plus you had the help of little ole me to land you the position."

i playfully rolled my eyes but the smile never left my lips. i was truly grateful for calum helping me land this job but i couldn't let it go to his head too much.

taking a sip of the beer still waiting in my hands, i leaned my head on his shoulder and sighed contently. "what would i do without you?"

"you'd be fine," luke chimed in, making his way over to us. "you have me." once again, i rolled my eyes at the boy but this time i wrapped a small arm around each of them and squeezed them tight.

"oh hush, i love you both," i stopped and looked over at the other two boys watching from across the kitchen with pouts evident on their faces. "and before any of you start arguing, i love all of you." i made sure to say a little louder, earning a cheeky smile from each boy.

***

it didn't take long before calum and i sat with our backs against the couch as we sat on the floor, my head on his shoulder and his head on mine. i was now feeling the affects of the alcohol as the room kind of spun and my words came out slurred but, i was having a good time. calum and i were watching some romance movie while the rest of the boys sat in the kitchen and finished off the rest of the pizza.

"love sucks." calum grumbled as his eyes stayed fixed on the tv in front of us with a slight scowl on his face.

"tell me about it." i mumbled back before taking a deep breath. i held the air in for a second before letting it out, trying to shake the feelings that i try so hard to push away.

he frowned and wrapped his arm around me, patting my shoulder. "i honestly don't know what you saw in him." cal shrugged, shaking his head.

the statement seemed harmless, nothing more than a statement of hatred towards my ex boyfriend who cheated on multiple times and who hated my friends, but in my drunken state it brought tears to my eyes and a feeling of frustration because i couldn't find a way to voice what i was feeling, drunk or sober. if i was sober i probably would've ignored what calum and pushed away the empty feelings but this was not the case.

"i loved him calum.." i whispered, bringing my hand up to wipe at my eyes. "h-he wasn't always like that. he loved me. i just- i wasn't enough for him. he wanted someone better... i don't blame h-him." my words probably sounded as rushed coming out as they did in my brain. i was always sensitive when i was drunk, but the alcohol forced the words to slip past my lips where as if i was sober everything would be kept to myself.

"hey," calum frowned and turned so he was sitting in front of me. "i didn't mean to make you cry. i wasn't trying to call you out or anything." he slurred out quickly. calum also being a sensitive drunk didn't help the situation. as my tears kept falling he started to panic.

"uh luke, c-can you come in here." he called and i shook my head quickly.

"cal no.." i whined and quickly wiped at my eyes to rid them of the tears as the tall blonde boy came strolling in.

"what's up cal- hey what's wrong?" he frowned as i stood up, brushing my hands on my pants.

"nothing i'm going to get another drink." i mumbled before walking into the kitchen. neither boy tried to follow and i was grateful because i felt embarrassed enough as it is.

once in the kitchen i grabbed two beers from the fridge and handed one to michael with a raised eyebrow. "shotgun?"

the rest of the night consisted of way too many beers and a messy drunken hug with calum to let him know i wasn't mad at him. luke also didn't try to question me again and i was relieved that i didn't have to embarrass myself again.

around  2 am michael crashed on the couch with a soft snore escaping his lips. calum and ashton high fived and quietly cheered seeing as they now got to sleep in luke's room without any sort of argument. the two boys were a loud, giggly mess as they mad their way into the room after saying their good nights.

before i went to head to bed, i grabbed a blanket off the back of the couch and placed it gently over the sleeping boy. when i turned, i didn't expect to see luke watching me not waiting for me. i assumed he would've went to bed when calum and ash did, but he held his hand out for me with a yawn.

"come on," he whined. "i'm tired." i chuckled at his childlikeness and made my way to my room with him. right away he plopped on the bed and closed his eyes so i quickly changed before laying down as well. petunia soon after jumped up and laid at our feet after i got comfortable and tried to let sleep take over me.

it wasn't until i was almost asleep when i heard luke speak once more. "you're an amazing person lai.." he whispered. "and i'll remind you every day until you see it too."

{authors note}
i'm very bad at writing fillers sooo if anyone wants to helps me out i'd be forever grateful.
sorry for waiting so long to update, i've been super busy and also just stuck with my writing.
it'll get better soon.
let me know what you think!
(unedited)