sat by the ocean

o c e a n i c

I stand,
and I stare
out at her vastness

my toes curl in the sand
when I sit with my arms curled around me
a pride flag rests around my shoulders and keeps me warm as the sky turns to night

all at once

all at once, her friendliness is ripped away from me
by her will
at the setting sun

she becomes not a mother,
but a thief—
stealing hearts, and ships,
and lives

do I fear her?
yes.
do I love her?
yes.

it is all I can do to feel the pull of the tide
to watch the moon become the only thing proving that there isn't just a void in front of me
to watch the embodiment of life and emotion
become all that is dark
and all that is death

it is all I can do
to look out at her
and weep on the inside

for I know that
as much as we love each other
she would steal my life away in a heartbeat

one false move,
and I'm pulled underneath her waves

one false move,
and you lose my trust and respect

it is not a game
like most else

I am not a game,
but I can make one

I stand,
and I stare out at the churning waves
tossing light and shadow 'round in an endless dance

I am dazed by this glorious and horrifying display

the circle is forever
but I am not
so, what will happen in my little slice of the universe?
what will burn me?
what will freeze me?
what will melt me?

as I stare out at the ocean,
her voice whispers on the water,
and though I am beckoned by it,
I must stay

for I have dreams of love
and of learning
and of curiosity and of pride
and I wish not to risk it all again

I am already plagued by daymares
of things that shall never be again
of things that once were
of things so terrible
that I have yet to speak of them.

I stand,
and I stare
out at her waters

they churn,
and they boil,
and they eat me alive if I tread too close

I am dizzied by the need to tempt fate
I love to live,
and I love a good thrill,
but I know this is too much for me

the weight of the moonlight
hits my shoulders
and I am pushed down into the sand

the waves lap at my feet,
but I do not let them take me.
I simply enjoy their company.

what lurks beyond is not yet for me to see
and so
I enjoy my time here in silence
listening to her sing

her calls are the most alluring thing in the world right now
telling me to tempt my fate
and I suppose I will,
in a way.

perhaps I will let go
let go of all I have been holding
would you save me then?
I can say for certain I have no clue.

I lay in the sand and become one with the chaotic stillness of night.