sat by the ocean

different

I'm growing different by the hour
No longer soothed by fun and games
Real life will be hard, but I'll sing it like a bard
And take what I can head-on

But something is different inside me
Day by day, it grows
I can't stay the same, but this sort of change—
It can't be directed, as part of me knows

But what am I without direction?
And who am I
When I'm not told?
If you don't tell me how
To think and feel and love
Then I'll stand there waiting in the cold.

Emotions rattle my body
My eyes cry these tears of gold
But my hands, they choose not to tremble
No matter what I'm told.

I'm growing different by the moment
It's not enough to have half of a half
Every moment stays the same
Of every greeting and parting game
But I'll take what I can head-on

Yes, something is different inside me
But maybe it will grow slow
I know I won't stay the same, but like a slowly dying flame
I can direct it—despite what I know

But....who am I without influence?
I'm already so much more when I'm alone
If my family won't be able to mold me
Dear gods, please, won't somebody hold me—
Can't they teach me how to mold me
Into someone
I'd
Want to know

And maybe there really is somebody out there
In the future, or the great unknown
I've already submitted to the ordeal of being known—just once,
I'd also like to know

I'm growing different day after day
Did they expect me to stay the same?
Should I go back, turn back now
Before I'm told I'm not allowed—?

Or,
Should I face what I don't know?

I don't know.