sat by the ocean

tight

your eyes
when they shine
are all that is holy

your eyes
when they are dull
are all that is beautiful

your eyes
when they smile
are all that is good and raw

your eyes
when they cry
are all that is churning

and it terrifies me
that you have gone without my protection for so long
facing battle after battle alone
setting foot on dangerous territory without a monster to protect you

I know you don't need my protecting
but sometimes
it's all I can think about

protection to me isn't always about keeping someone physically safe,
you know.
sometimes,
in the dark of night,
when you're sobbing into your pillow because of someone who hurt you,
protecting starts to mean making someone feel safe, too.

sometimes,
in the dark of night,
when you're sobbing on the phone with me because of someone who hurt you,
I forget all that is right and true and moral.

I forget the true definition of justice.

I forget that people make mistakes,
and it's okay so long as they grow from them and make whatever amends they can.

I forget that people who are hurting are the people hurting others.

and I bare my horns
and flex my clawed hands
and smile through sharp, pointed teeth
and I become something I don't show to anyone

the desire to protect and avenge becomes stronger than the desire to be peaceful

you're mine,
my suddenly twisted mind croons,
and nobody who hurts you escapes me.

the only thing I'm waiting for is your word.
say it, and I will destroy them from the inside out.
give it, and I will take apart all that they love piece by piece.
scream it, and I will make them regret taking their first breath.

you are the only thing in this world that stops me.

if you give me your word,
I will fight for your honor
and do terrible things to those deserving.

but if you say no,
then I will rest your weary head against my chest
and hold you tight.

if you tell me to go after them,
I will not rest until they are defeated.
if you tell me you'd rather I not,
I'll call it a night and tuck you safely in my arms.

the desire to protect and avenge becomes stronger than the desire to be peaceful

and the growing monstrosity that resides as a secret in me may one day be unleashed

I pity the man that I will destroy for your honor
and I pity myself for the guilt I will feel
and I pity you, because there will be no going back once you see me like that.

I am a monster,
and sometimes,
it can be ugly.