𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐀𝐅𝐓𝐄𝐑

Chapter 23

Time skip, as promised hehehehehehehehehhehehehe

TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️
SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AND SELF HARM
PLEASE DONT READ IT IF YOURE GOING TO BE TRIGGERED
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Time Skip brought to you by Kairi's height.

7 Months later.

Kairi stood in front of the mirror, trying to hold back his tears. He and Mattia had gotten into an argument about something that Kairi had said earlier and Mattia had left the house after saying some pretty horrible things. It was their first real fight and Kairi was absolutely destroyed about it.

Why am I such a fuck up. I never should have....

Kairi felt the hot tears on his cheeks and he was shaking vigorously as he hyperventilated.

This is it, Matia's never gonna love me again.

Some part of Kairi knew that he was being irrational and that Mattia would probably come back soon and they would apologize and everything would be fine. However, Kairi found himself unable to listen to that part of his brain and all he could think about was the fact that Mattia had left and his life had no meaning anymore. Kairi found himself reaching for the pair of scissors that was kept in the drawer. It wasn't the first time that Kairi had purposely cut himself. Most of his scratches were on his thighs. He and Mattia had several long talks about it and Kairi had promised not to do it anymore. Kairi wasn't thinking about any of that though as he grabbed the scissors with a shaky hand. He opened the scissors and held one of the blades over his wrists; he was sobbing loudly now, thinking only about how much he had fucked everything up.

Flashback..........
"I don't understand Kairi, why can't you just be normal and happy for once?"

Kairi imagined Mattia yelling those words at him.

"I don't know Mattia! I'm just broken ok?!"

"I'm trying Kairi, I'm trying to help you to be happy, but sometimes it just seems like you don't care! Like you're not even trying!"

"Then why do you even care?!"

"Honestly Kairi, I don't even know why I'm still bothering. I'm out"

Kairi let out another sob as he thought back to Mattia's words. Kairi looked down at his arm, dragging the scissors over the soft skin on the inside of his arm. He bit his lip as the pain coursed through him and a few drops of blood fell into the sink. Kairi relished the pain, feeling as though he deserved all of it. Pain was the one thing that he could control in his life, and as Kairi dragged the blade over his skin over and over again, all he could think was "deeper". Kairi pressed the scissors harder, feeling the blade deep within his skin. Kairi bit his lip hard to prevent from crying out in pain as it felt like his arm was on fire. The sink was covered in blood and there was even blood on the floor at this point. Kairi switched the scissors to his other hand and began cutting stripes across his other wrist.

You deserve this

He cut a line

You ruined everything with Mattia

He cut another line.

Mattia is never going to love you, and it's your fault

Another line, this one deeper.

You promised him you'd stop cutting yourself. Now look at yourself.

Kairi let out another cry and cut another line, crying out in pain as the scissors went a little too deep. Kairi dropped the scissors into the bloody sink and leaned over, feeling slightly woozy; assumingly from blood loss. Kairi felt his energy drain away as he let out yet another sob. He looked down and realized that his arms were bleeding quite a lot and it showed no sign of stopping. Kairi didn't care about the pain as he continued to run Mattia's words through his head over and over again.

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oops, i forgot i wrote this. godamn i was in a shitty headspace.