𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐀𝐅𝐓𝐄𝐑

Chapter 26

this story is almost over, i'm so sorry that i wrote this. i hate it tbh.

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The Morning After the Incident.......

Kairi woke up engulfed in Mattia's embrace. He rolled over and stretched before wincing in pain. He looked down at his bandaged arms and sighed as the memories of the previous day crashed into his mind. Mattia was peacefully snoring beside Kairi. He stared at Mattia's features, taking a minute to appreciate the boy who had been taking care of him for almost a year. Kairi was unbelievably grateful for Mattia; he was the only reason that Kairi was still alive.

Kairi faced the ceiling again, his emotions had been running rampant in his mind and heart for the longest time. Controlling his thoughts and emotions to the point where Kairi was unable to feel happiness or goodness. The only thing that Kairi could feel, or rather, the only thing he allowed himself to feel, was pain and loss.

In truth, Kairi was afraid. He was afraid to try and be happy because he didn't want his happiness to be taken away from him. So instead, he closed himself off. He refused help, he acted like he was ok, he pretended when he needed to. He made Mattia believe that he was ok, when he really was broken on the inside.

Kairi truly saw no end to the pain and suffering that was his life. He wanted to be better, he wanted to be happy and have his dream life with Mattia but he just couldn't see it. In Kairi's mind, he was too broken, too sad to ever be happy again. He was destroyed.

The problem was that Kairi had given up. He didn't care anymore. He used to feel guilty when he thought about leaving Mattia behind. Leaving him alone. But he had convinced himself that it was for the best.

Kairi's mind was at a war with itself.

M: Kairi?

Kairi turned his head to find Mattia studying him.

M: what are you thinking about?

everything, nothing, doesn't really matter anymore.

K: i don't know.

Mattia watched as Kairi's face ranged from emotionless to heartbroken, and then back to neutral.

M: i'm worried about you.

K: i'm sorry

M: no Kai, you don't have to apologize. I'm here for you ok? you just gotta talk to me baby.

Mattia's soft tone made Kairi want to cry. He desperately wanted to open up, to tell Mattia everything; but he didn't. Instead he nodded, giving Mattia a small smile to which the other boy returned his own small grin.

M: we're gonna be ok Kai, I promise.

K: ok.

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so............i'm going to finish this up in a few chapters. then i'm probably gonna delete it.