𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐀𝐅𝐓𝐄𝐑

Chapter 27

TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️
SELF HARM AND SUICIDE
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less than a week later......

Kairi sat in the locked bathroom, contemplating everything. He already knew what he was going to do that day, he had been planning it for a long time now, slowly saying goodbye to everyone he loved. It was hard for him, but he had convinced himself that this was the only option.

Just do it Kairi, what are you waiting for?
I'm not really sure.
Then just do it.

Kairi stood up and grabbed the bottle of pain medication from the cabinet before sitting back down on the floor. Kairi thought about his life up until this moment. Every mistake, every wrong thing that he had never righted. Every time he had been called a faggot at school. As his painful memories rushed through his head he carefully counted out twenty five pills. Just enough to stop his heart. It was hard for him to say goodbye to all of his friends, but Mattia was the hardest. Kairi felt himself choke up as he thought about his final goodbye to Mattia earlier that day.

"Hey Kai, I'm just heading to work ok? Do you need anything before I leave?"

Kairi stood and crossed the room, wrapping his arms around Mattia's torso; hugging him tightly and breathing in his smell for the last time.

"I love you so much Mattia"

Mattia hugged Kairi back tightly, kissing the top of his head.

"What's wrong baby, I'll only be gone for a bit, my shift isn't too long today"

"I-I know, I just had a bad day"

Mattia gave Kairi a concerned look to which Kairi offered him a watery smile.

"Do you want me to take the day off so we can cuddle and talk and watch a movie"

Kairi wanted more than anything to say yes but he didn't, he couldn't. He didn't want to be alive anymore and that was it.

"No, it's ok, just-just don't miss me too much ok?"

Mattia laughed, causing Kairi to let out a small chuckle of his own, he wanted to hear Mattia laugh all the time, but Kairi couldn't give him that.

"Kairi, every second that I'm not with you, I spend it missing you"

Kairi furiously wiped his eyes and wrapped his arms around Mattia's neck pulling him in for a kiss. It wasn't hot and passionate, it wasn't quick or chaste. It was slow, sweet, gentle; the kind of kiss that means goodbye forever. At least it did for Kairi. Mattia broke away first but Kairi pulled him back in for one last kiss.

"I love you Mattia Polibio"

"I love you too Kairi. More than anything"

Kairi gave Mattia one last hug before stepping back.

"Now get your butt to work babe"

Mattia was slightly confused by Kairi's actions but he didn't think too much of it as he put his shoes on.

"Bye Kairi, love you"

"Goodbye Mattia"

END OF FLASHBACK.

Kairi sat with his head against the cold tile of the bathtub. He had tears running down his cheeks as he thought about Mattia. He would miss Mattia the most. He thought back to all of their memories together. Their first date, the countless hours that they had spent cuddling, just talking, Mattia's musical laughter. Kairi's favourite memory though, was when they first confessed their feelings for eachother, that day that Kairi had knocked on Mattia's door and confessed his feelings, the day that they went from best friends to soulmates. That was what Kairi wanted to remember as he died. Mattia. Mattia's smile, Mattia's laugh, Mattia's everything.

K: I'm coming mama. I'm sorry Mattia, please forgive me.

Kairi looked at the counted out pills in his shaky hand. He took one last deep breath before swallowing four pills, another deep breath to take six more.

More

Another five pills. He kept going until he felt drowsy, his heart was racing and his stomach hurt but his mind was oddly calm and serene. He swallowed the last six pills and the empty bottle rolled out of his hand. Kairi felt himself grow weaker as the pain meds took him away. He felt himself slide down until he was lying face up on the bathroom floor.

I never realized what a pretty shade of blue this bathroom is.

Kairi thought about his life. Everything that had led him to this point. But none of it mattered anymore, this was it and he knew it. Kairi felt himself grow extremely tired and heard his phone buzzing beside him. He dragged his unusually heavy arm up and looked at the caller ID.

Mattia. I could talk to him one more time.

Barely holding on anymore, Kairi pressed the talk button, hearing Mattia's cheery voice on the other end.

M: Hey babe, I'm on my break so I just thought I'd call and check in.

K: I-I'm sorry Mattia.

M: Kairi are you slurring your words? A-are you drunk or something?

Kairi heard the panic in Mattia's voice and he felt a pang of guilt for what he was about to do to the love of his life. The pills were in full effect now and Kairi found that he could barely formulate a sentence in his mind and everything in the room looked blurry.

K: Mattia, I love you so so much. Please don't forget that.

M: Why are you talking like that Kai, are you ok? You sound weird.

K: I'm g-gonna be gone soon Mattia. I'm sorry, please don't be mad.

The line was silent for a moment as Mattia took in Kairi's words.

M: What'd you do Kai.

Mattia's voice was shaky and full of panic.

K: It doesn't matter anymore. Just remember I love you Mattia and I-

M: -What did you do Kairi?! Please, Kairi don't do this. No no no. Kairi listen to me, whatever you're doing, stop, listen to me Kai. I'm coming home right now, we'll talk, and we'll cuddle. Baby please.

Kairi couldn't bear to hear Mattia's voice so full of pain.

K: I love you Mattia, forever. I-I'm sorry that we never got to have our dream wedding.

M: Kairi. What did you do?! Baby? Kairi?

Kairi hung up. He didn't want to think about the pain that Mattia was going to go through. He went back to thinking of all of their happy memories together as everything around him faded.

I love you Mattia.

His heart slowed down.

I love you Mattia.

His eyes got heavy.

I love you, Mattia.

Darkness overcame him.

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I hate myself for writing this

chapter 30 is the last chapter