𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐀𝐅𝐓𝐄𝐑

Chapter 29

sorry to the people who are still reading this. :/

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Mattia woke up to the sun streaming directly into his eyes. He rolled over and shut his eyes again. He hadn't moved from his bed in almost three whole days and he was still just as broken as the day he walked into the bathroom and found Kairi dead. The only reason he had moved was to use the washroom but he couldn't bear to go into the bathroom where Kairi had died so he travelled down the hall to use the other one. Then he would collapse into his bed again. His mother had come to try and bring him food but he refused it.

Mattia couldn't get back to sleep now that he was thinking about Kairi so instead he stared at his ceiling and let his tears flow freely.

I tried. I tried to keep you happy Kai. But you left me.

Mattia felt a sudden surge of anger that his boyfriend left him. That Kairi had gone without him. But he quickly realized that Kairi would hate it if he was mad at him.

M: I-I'm not mad Kairi. I wish you didn't go. But I'm not mad at you. I love you.

Everytime he thought about Kairi, Mattia's heart broke again. He continued to stare at the ceiling, lost in thought. He had no concept of time anymore. Nothing even mattered anymore. Mattia was still staring into space and crying when he heard a soft knock on his door.

M: G-go away.

Mattia didn't want to listen to his mom try and console him anymore.

Ale: Hi Mattia.

Mattia slowly rolled over to face Alejandro.

M: Go away Ale. I can't handle it today.

Ale: No. You gotta get up Mattia. It's been three days. Your mom says you haven't eaten or even showered.

Mattia didn't even try to hide his tears from Alejandro. The other boy crossed the room and sat on the edge of Mattia's bed.

M: I can't Ale. It hurts too much.

Ale: Sit up.

Mattia groaned and sat up on the edge of the bed beside Alejandro. He let his head fall into his hands, another sob rising in his throat.

M: Ale this is all my fault. I never should have left that night. I knew he was having a rough day and I left anyway. Ale I shouldn't have fucking left him.

Alejandro had tears in his eyes now as he watched his friend crumble to pieces.

Ale: No Mattia, this isn't your fault. Kairi was......i dont even know........It wasn't your fault Mattia.

Alejandro pulled the other boy into a hug and Mattia sobbed into his shoulder hugging him back tightly. After a little bit, Mattia pulled away and rubbed his red eyes.

Ale: Listen Mattia, I have to tell you, your mom wasn't sure if you'd be able to take it but I think you have the right.

M: What.

Ale: Mattia, he-he left a note. It was addressed to only you so no one else has read it.

Alejandro carefully handed Mattia the folded up piece of paper. Mattia took it in his hand just as carefully, as if it might fall apart in his hands. This was his final way of seeing what Kairi was thinking before he died.

Mattia stared at the paper without opening it, Alejandro cleared his throat and shifted around on the bed.

Ale: Do you want me to go or-

M: -Stay, please stay Alejandro. I don't want to be alone anymore.

Alejandro sat back into the bed, nodding, and Mattia started to gently unfold the note. Noticing Kairi's neat, perfect handwriting. He took a shaky breath before he started to read, his vision slightly blurred by his tears.

Mattia,

Hi baby, I'm so so sorry that I left you so soon. I didn't want to leave you, but this world was better off without me. I know you're probably thinking that I was selfish for going but I just couldn't do it anymore Mattia. But I need you to understand that this is not your fault. You are the only person in this entire universe that makes me happy anymore and I love you for it. I love you so so much Mattia. I'm so sorry that we never got to our dream wedding, but please know that I really really wanted to have that future with you. My decision to leave this world was not something that I did in the spur of the moment. It was something that has been building over time. I'm sorry I never told you but I didn't want to put you through that pain while I was still alive. As hard as you tried, as much as you loved me. This world hurt me too much Mattia. But enough of that.
Here's the important part Mattia. Please don't grieve me too much. I don't want to see you sad. Don't think about me as my broken self. Remember the time that we went swimming at the beach and I thought I saw a shark and I made you carry me all the way back to the car. Remember the insane amount of hours we spent cuddling, debating the concept of aliens because we were bored. Remember the night that you told me you loved me for the first time. Remember these things, that's what I'm going to remember. Don't miss me too much baby. I'm still here with you, I'm right beside you every day, remember that. I couldn't be there with you in person because it just hurts too much but you were it for me. You were the man I was going to marry. You are my best friend and my soulmate. I will walk beside you every day for eternity Mattia. Because I love you. But don't stay hung up on me ok? I want you to go out there and find yourself a nice boy or girl. Someone who makes you really happy. That's all I want, I want you to be happy Mattia. Please be happy, even though I've left you.

All my love, forever,

Kairi.

Mattia finished the letter and then just stared at the final few words.

All my love, forever.

Mattia noticed a few tear stains on the page, Kairi had been crying as he wrote this, and now as Mattia's fingers brushed over the dried water marks, his own tears hit the page. He let out a gasping sob and clutched Alejandro's arm as he re-read the letter over again. He got to the bottom and read the final words.

All my love, forever.

He spoke without taking his eyes off of the paper. His voice sounded scratchy and hoarse.

M: He-he's gone Alejandro. He's gone.

Alejandro didn't speak, he just pulled Mattia into his arms, holding him close as he broke down again. Mattia cried and cried, until he fell asleep. Alejandro still had his arms around the tall boy who was now softly snoring. Alejandro gently lay Mattia back into his bed and took the slightly crumpled paper out of his hands, he didn't read it, that would intrude on their privacy too much. Instead, he carefully folded it and placed it on the table beside Mattia's bed before leaving the room.

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next chapter is the last one.