Letters of Unconciousness

71st Hour

~ Gabriella ~

Nate,

There is now under 24 hours before the surgery commences and I am seriously itching to talk to you. These letters are great for me but I need to hear your voice rather than imagining it. I don't want to text you because I'm afraid. I might have written everything to you but you haven't read it yet so I can't assume you know as much as you will. If that makes sense. I miss you. I'm staring at the last text I sent you, "I'll see you on the otherside." And I'm reading the text you sent me.

These letters are so that you know everything because you sees we've to know everything. Don't leave yourself outside of the loop. You've always been in it, why stop now? Remember that.

So I'm sure if you allowed yourself to do so you would have thought about all the many reasons as to why there is a letter for the 71st hour. The 71st hour is going to be the time when the doctors evaluate my condition entirely. If I am yet to wake up of course.

The doctors and nurses and surgeons will all take their turns to examine me. They will take into consideration heart rate, breathing, skin tone, brain activity and so much other stuff which I don't particularly remember but I don't particularly need to know. Hopefully this time won't ever come and it won't even matter whether I remembered them or not. My fingers and toes are crossed.

As each doctor evaluates and tests and determines my current status they will be reviewing the plans made by me. As a seventeen year old girl somehow I am able to have say in to what happens to my body and what doesn't.

The anaesthetic is obviously affecting my body seriously if I am still unconscious for this long. Therefore it is likely I will become very dependant on the life support. But also to this point as previously mentioned I would have been put into an induced coma. At the strike of the 72nd hour I will be brought out of the induced coma and eased off the life support.

I have decided to do this for once of a few reasons.

The option to put me in an induced coma allowed the doctors to evaluate and monitor me. They will be able to know when I am ready to be woken up. I could have even been waken up by now who knows. I could have been woken up and I might not have. It's just the two outcomes.

If I am still under I have come to th decision that I cannot stay that way forever.
I may not ever be ready to be taken out.
I may not ever be ready to be brought back to life.
And if that is true then we've got to accept that. We can't keep fighting against god because he might just have a string on me and he is trying to pull me away. Everyone who is helping me and god forgive them is trying to prevent me from joining god. But if that is not possible there is nothing else we can do.

So I have decided I've stepped out of my childish brain and have considered the future and the lives of those around me. At the 72nd hour I will be brought out of the coma if possible. Then considering there was no complications the aids such as life support, breathing aids and things similar will be taken away. If all goes to plan I will wake up or be awake and things can be reapplied then.

However if no changes are seen or made to my state there is very little they will be able to do. Then it will just be a waiting game. You will wait to see if I finally wake up or you will find out that is not the case. That is why I have decided that I must move on. A fight is to be fought whether it is won or lost we don't know.

I have fought the fight and I've given it a pretty good run. I've pushed boundaries and I've proved people wrong.

I don't believe that if I was a golden patient this situation would be any different. If I did everything they said. If I didn't do anything not advised. I'd still be here. Sooner or later this was going to happen.