Good Morning, Sunshine

averting your gaze

~

Look at all the beauty nature has to offer
~

During the days that followed I focused my mental and physical energy on physical fitness. And on panicking 24/7 but the panicking part wasn't really voluntary and it made Jaromir uneasy too because he wasn't used to feeling this way.

I hate everything about this, he thought frequently which I replied to with a simple, Me too, thank you very much.

Despite both of our displeasure with the panic thing it stayed, shortened our nights and made it harder for me to physically exert myself without fainting due to exhaustion.

While this made me feel tired all the time I managed to improve my physical fitness even further until I finally managed to stand on my own two feet. It wasn't a problem at all. My legs had been strong enough for this long ago. It had just been my mind which had stood in my way. Now that my mind was busy worrying about other things, walking just became easy again.

I was unbelievably happy none the less. My legs working meant that I could cross off one thing on my 'I'm absolutely freaking panicked about what is to come'-list which made things just a little bit easier. It still left enough worrisome things on the list to keep my heart rate up at all times.

These facts made it both hard for me to be happy about the fact that walking was no problem for me aymore and even harder to bond with Jaromir. While we shared our emotions the ones we were going through right now weren't good ones and they had in the past been strong enough to bring me down. So they revealed the bad sides of both of us.

Both me and the tiger were constantly grumpy and easy to irritate. That was why Jaromir had taken to sleeping on a heap of towels and old clothes in the bathroom, not with me in the bed. As a result of that I got even less sleep because I missed him next to me and he missed me next to him, just because the two of us was all we had and we had gotten used to each other but neither of us was willing to admit to our feelings, even though we could feel each others emotions still. I knew that we were acting like stubborn children but acting like an adult had never been my kind of thing anyway. And Jaromir was a tiger. Tigers just didn't do adult shit. Mainly because they didn't have to make phone calls or doctor's appointments but also because they lived off of instincts, not rational thoughts.

The only good that came off of this was the fact that we knew when not to touch each other. Or talk to each other. Or look in each others' direction. Or breathe too loudly. Or just, you know, exist. Not that knowing it helped a lot. Sometimes, when you want to be angry, you end up being angry.

It's just, that an angry tiger can be a problem. Since tigers are predators and have some rather impressive build in weapons. During one of his furious phases Jaromir tore all the towels in the bathroom into tiny pieces and at first agents refused to give me some new towels because they were too scared of inserting anything into the room. Jaromir also ripped a few pillows apart, buried his claws in the walls (which were surprisingly claw resistant) and broke a mirror. At this point we were threatened with exlusion from physical therapy which had me yell at Jaromir to calm the fuck down and he did. Somehow. He stopped ripping things to pieces and toned it down a little. I could still feel his anger constantly close to boiling point.

And I didn't even have music to distract me from our conflict.

Even though my certainty about an imminent questioning held by Fury grew steadily it didn't happen and with every second that passed without Fury angrily kicking in my door I grew more weary. It just appeared impossible to me that he wouldn't show up. And by now I was desperate for a change. Something. Anything, really, that wasn't physical therapy or this room.