Good Morning, Sunshine

not eating enough

~
Be free
~
Stark didn't bring up the topic of me and J being one being and I was grateful for it.

While this was closely connected with Amy's and Jaromir's past it wasn't with mine and the knowledge of the will, the urge to kill that had to be hidden away somewhere in every human was disturbing and nothing I wanted to consider.

What Stark did do though was eat another piece of cake.

When he offered another one to Jaromir, I intervened.

"I don't want him to grow fat and lazy. As his human I am responding for his diet and I'll keep him healthy" , I explained.

Stark understood and Jaromir threatened murder.

"While at it: Please don't feed him chocolate or grapes. I think they are poisonous for cats and therefore for tigers. So is coffee, I guess. And other things I don't know" , I made clear.

"Don't worry, I won't kill off your tiger by accident" , Stark promised, grinning.

"That's great to hear. I like being alive" , I threw in. Stark raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything.

The both of us went ahead and cleaned up a bit. Stark let Jaromir lick the dough bowl clean which I discouraged but no one cared. I managed to get a hold of the frosting bowl and licked that clean myself. Safety precautions.

"So, what are your plans for the future?" , inquire Stark all of a sudden.

I stopped shoving cutlery into the dishwasher and stared at him.

"My plans? For the future? Like, getting married and having children and stuff?"

"While that would certainly be an interesting bit of information this is, in fact, not what I want to know. I was more talking about the more immediate future", he explained.

I considered that for a moment. The immediate future. I'd thought that through with Jaromir but our plan had included breaking out of the S.H.I.E.L.D. facility and being unable to do anything afterwards. Now I had all the possibilities laid oit in front of me.

"I ... wanted to free Bucjy, I guess. You know, Steve's friend?" , I thought out loud. Stark nodded.

"So you'd like to go all hero" , he suggested.

I thought that through for a second and Jaromir (who was still pissed because he had only gotten one pieces of cake because of me) and I came to the conclusion that we were no heroes. Jaromir thought so because 'you are too cruel, you would willingly let me starve. That's not what heroes do' and I thought so because of this wild, violent side.

"I ... don't think I could be a hero, mister Stark" , I told him.

He smiled.

"Everyone can be a hero, you know. But, believe me, you're better off not being a hero. Psychologically, I mean" , he recommended. I knew he was right but I also knew that he was hurt, had been hurt badly. And not on the surface but deeper. These wounds of his might never heal.

I wanted to hug him but it also felt inappropriate. So I didn't.

"I couldn't believe me" , I breathed. Stark didn't hear me and I was fine with that.