Good Morning, Sunshine

Relaxing

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Pet something cute on occasion and you'll feel better too.
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No

Way

Back

I'd suspected it.

I should have known.

Of course there was no way back.

How could there possibly be a way back?

And still.

I'd hoped.

Why even?

Hope is a damn toxic thing.

I shouldn't even have touched it.

Hope, I mean.

Amelie?

I could not go back. I would never see my parents again.

They had to be in pain, insufferable pain.

Because of me.

No parent should ever have to lose their child, bury it before they end up dead.

That's not how things are supposed to be.

That's against the rules.

The child should have to bury their parents and cry in front of their graves, knowing that these people had given them life and love and shaped them into who they were.

Am?

I could see my mother, broken down and crying over a grave that was my resting place now. The resting place of my body, at least for my soul or whatever was still here. I was still alive.

And at the same time I had been burried and said goodbye to. Never to return.

My parents just didn't know. My friends didn't know. No one knew.

I could see my sister, cureld up in her bed, shaking and sobbing and crying, her little depressed brain somehow blaming my death on her. Maybe my death would be the last rug pulled. Maybe she'd not be strong enough to get through this.

It would be my fault.

Amelie?

I could see my father, drinking. He had been on the verge of too much when I'd still been around. Maybe this would push him over this edge. Maybe he'd just let himself go. Leaving my mother alone and helpless and torn.

They would probably break apart, their marriage shatter. It had been fragile before anyway.

And it would all be my fault.

I saw my best friend, Paula, staring at my grave in disbelief. We'd been friends since first grade. 14 years. A long time. We had been close but she would manage. She would survive losing me. But she would be in pain there was no need for her to be in.

I saw my two other friends. One of them would be hit harder by my loss. I knew it. Maja would be devestated for longer than Theresa would. Because T had been through things already. She knew. I mean, life hadn't always been easy on Maja either. But still. She'd be worse off.