No Going Back

18

If the mind is willing, the flesh could go on and on without many things.
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The Art of War
Sun Tzu

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For over an hour, Jungkook and Taehyung lay forehead to forehead, their eyes closed and hands clasped between their bodies.

Nothing was said. No glances were shared. The only form of communication they used was the constant touching of skin, the subtle reminder that they were not alone. That was more than enough for the moment.

After the countless revelations - the exposing of secrets and the uncovering of the truth - a peaceful calm had settled over the room. The sun streamed through the windows, barely dimmed by the sheer white curtains. Birds chirped melodically in the garden, a soft white-noise only found outside of the city. And the tense, strained environment from earlier on had finally smoothed into a state of relaxation.

All was calm.

All except Jungkook's raging mind.

Every single emotion that coursed through his body amplified, pounding through his veins and increasing his heart rate. He didn't know how he was supposed to manage all of these conflicting feelings. He didn't know how he was supposed to feel at all.

There was the despair from learning how exactly his brother died; the wrath over his senseless murder, the desperation for vengeance that clawed at his insides until he needed to scream out loud.

There was the shock of learning Taehyung's true identity; the embarrassment for lying and getting caught, the regret that made him wish he never deceived the bodyguard in the first place.

There was the sympathy for Taehyung, the man who lost his mother and bodyguard; the disbelief over what the elder experienced, the remorse that burned his throat and left him gasping for air.

Then there was the relief over still being alive; the amazement that he shared his story and didn't end up dead, the hopefulness that maybe he'd survive this after all.

And finally, there was the adoration Jungkook felt for Taehyung; the appreciation for the man who so selflessly protected him, the affection that warmed his chest and begged him to move closer to the former bodyguard.

Shit. How did he even begin to process all of these emotions, especially when they were occurring simultaneously?

He knew the answer: one by one.

But that would take an unwavering amount of patience, a clear and open mind, and a boundless stretch of time - all things he didn't have at the moment. It could be weeks, months, or years until he had the capacity to unpack and work through his feelings. For that reason alone, it'd be so much easier to pretend that everything was peachy fucking keen instead of acknowledging the truth.

Though the truth was so obvious . . . There was no denying it.

Jungkook was an emotional wreck, a ticking time bomb. He experienced so much trauma, anguish, and fear over an incredibly short period - over a collection of days. It all compounded and pressed down upon his shoulders, resulting in a heavy weight one should not have to carry on their own.

And although he longed to take the easy way out - to run away and hide from the world - things would only get worse unless he faced it head-on. That fact was undeniable. He had to accept that everything was not alright; he had to allow himself to be overwhelmed. And now that he put names to all of his emotions, it was time to actually feel.