No Going Back

25

There are not more than five primary colors, yet in combination they produce more hues than can ever been seen.
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The Art of War
Sun Tzu

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Jungkook used to experience a mind-body disconnect after running on a treadmill. It was an odd sensation, where his brain thought his legs continued to move forward even though he physically stood still. The disorientation made him feel like he glided through space and time, all while his feet remained glued to the ground.

That same feeling possessed Jungkook right now.

After days of running from trouble, days filled with stress and anxiety, his brain had yet to comprehend that everything stopped. Paused. For the time being, both he and Taehyung were safe.

But that incessant need to look over his shoulder and to keep his guard up persisted. Each one of his muscles held a familiar tension, ready to uncoil and spring into action should he need to flee. And his mind refused to relax; it continued to worry about every potential problem, about what might happen should someone find them.

The world rushed around him, a blur of sights and sounds, even though he took no active strides forward.

And now, shrouded in darkness at two in the morning, Jungkook attempted to convince himself he could finally take a breath. There was no pressing urgency to escape, no necessity to scope out another hideaway. The all too familiar threats, risks, and dangers still loomed just overhead, though they were currently distant and out of sight. Because here - underground and hidden away from the omnipresent world - Jungkook truly felt they were out of harm's way.

And that safety gave both him and Taehyung something they desperately needed: time. Time to rest, time to process, and time to heal.

And also time for something Jungkook needed to do, something he avoided doing since the day he learned of Namjoon's death.

Jungkook needed to grieve.

It wasn't like he actively evaded mourning the loss of his brother, not on purpose, at least. In rare instances, he had allowed himself to feel those sharp stabs of anguish, to begin accepting that agonizing knowledge that his role model - his best friend - was gone. However, he never had the time or security to lower all defenses, to simply feel and not worry about a target on his back.

And he never had someone by his side, holding him through his grief and reminding him that he wasn't alone.

But now, perhaps, he had everything he needed to formally grieve. Not only did he have the time and safety afforded by the bunker, but he also had a person to stand by his side throughout the storm.

Taehyung, the man who quickly became his entire world.

Before, having a person be his everything would've scared the shit out of Jungkook. Relying on someone for companionship, comfort, and support wasn't a concept he practiced over the last few years. All he ever knew was that opening himself up to another was often synonymous with welcoming in disappointment and abandonment. So rather than trust someone and get hurt, he refrained completely.

Though that all changed when he met Taehyung.

He changed.

The mask of a cocky, arrogant brat - the one Jungkook wore as a defense mechanism - slowly slipped off, revealing who he really was inside. That vulnerable, angry, and hurt boy who never moved past his broken home life, who hated the world for killing his brother. And that hopeful, trusting, and loving boy, the one who secretly prayed for healing and acceptance.