Let's Play Pretend - former (pending ) Realize... (Completed and being edited)

Don't try to fix me I'm not broken...

After that incident, I tried to move on with my life... this time I'll admit, I'm a walking zombie...I don't even like looking at myself in the mirror... I know napansin na ng tropa ang nangyari in  between me and JN, yet they never asked... instead they appear cheerful when I'm around... 

Christmas program na namin bukas... It was our final band practice today... Yet my band mates looked worried...

"Dahly, I think you need to rest... over worked ka na... pinapatay mo ba sarili mo sa sobrang trabaho...?" I heard Matt say that, yung drummer namin... 

"I'm ok, don't worry, I'll be sleeping early tonight..." I smiled at them... They have been so understanding of me these past few days also... hinahayaan lang nila ako when I suddenly burst out crying... o super loka loka mode ako... We started practicing na... puro Christmas songs ang kanta namin... siyempre Christmas program nga di ba...

Santa, can you hear me ?
I have been so good this year
And all I want is one thing
Tell me my true love is here
He's all I want just for me 
Underneath my Christmas tree
I'll be waiting here
Santa that's my only wish this year

Di ko alam kung bakit bigla na lang silang tumigil....

Di ko pala namalayan na I'm crying while singing... O di ba loka loka lang... cheerful ang beat ng kanta pero ako umiiyak....

The hell with you JN, ang sakit.... Cyrus and Kevs hugged me, nakisali na rin ang ibang band mates ko....

"Uy, nag eemote na naman princesa namin.... Ikaw kasi Cyrus sagutin mo na..."  panunukso nila... 

"Che! Bakit ako ba nanliligaw sa kanya... mga echuserang kokak..." Reply ko sa biro nila...

"Ayan natauhan na, nawala na ang sanib..." biro nila ulit.... they were still hugging me...

"Mga ULOL! bitiwan niyo na ako, di na ako makahinga..." At binitiwan na nga nila ako...

"Let's take a break guys" sabi ni Kevs... 

"Maiwan na muna namin kayo dyan mga love birds..." pahabol pa nilang biro as they walked out...

"ULOL!" sigaw ko sa kanila, mga loko loko talaga...

Lumapit si Cy Cy and hugged me... since that incident, mas lalong naging sweet and understanding si Cy Cy sa akin... I love this guy also, yet not like the way I loved JN... aaminin ko na, I'm in love with JN... kahit baligtarin ko pa ang mundo... the only explanation why a part of me died when he left... kung pwede lang si Cy Cy na lang... he deserves that love better than JN does...

"Dahly, I'm just here... don't shut me out please..." I heard him say that and parang natauhan ako bigla... I'm starting to shut the world out again... 

Pinaghirapan ni Cy Cy na tulungan akong makamove on as normally as possible... I can't fail him now...

"Dahly, use me..." nagulat ako sa sinabi niya... di nga nag sink in sa akin ang meaning nun...

"Use me to forget him... Wala akong pakialam if one sided love lang...be my girlfriend... yun lang ang nakikita kong paraan... I know it seems selfish, parang di ko binibigyan importansya ang feelings mo... pero please give it a try... Use me, let me be your BF... kahit rebound lang..."

"Cy Cy, I can't do that... that would be unfair for you... isa pa out of character ko yun... What if it will not work kung pumayag man ako?"

"Dahly, I know you are not a user, kaya nga ako na lang nag-offer, you are not Patricia... If it won't work, wala akong magagawa at least we gave it a try di ba?"