Breaking Rules

26.

It had been a month since New Year's Eve. 

I hadn't seen Thalia for a month.

Like. The whole of January. 

The fuck? A month! 

At this point, I had changed. I had only just noticed the weirdness in my behaviour. In that it wasn't my behaviour. The first week I was an emotional mess. Crying in bed then sleeping for almost another full day. Then I spent the rest of the week being angry. I was back to snapping at people in school for the smallest things. Teachers lost their patience after the first 2 days of my short temper so they often settled disputes with an argument. I quit soccer, not wanting to meet some new random ass coach. Raven said she was 22 and insanely hot but I didn't care. To be honest, since getting to know Thalia I didn't see anyone else like that, she was on a pedestal and no one could touch her. Bless Raven, she'd been trying to get through to me all week. We weren't too close friends but I appreciated and trusted her.

Anyway,  The past 3 weeks my emotions just, stopped. No crying, no throwing random objects and clenching my hair and screaming. Just numb.

I'd lie in the bath and let myself go under the water, feeling it hurt my eyes and fill my nose until it stung and I'd sit up out of the water and start spluttering until I caught my breath. It made me feel something.

"You know what. I've had enough." Jason pulled my phone out of my hand. "Harper you can't keep doing this to yourself." I had been looking at the very few pictures of Thalia and I cuddling in bed and on her sofa, apparently I had zoned out looking at them again because Amie and Jason must have been talking, they looked kind of angry. I told myself I kept them to remember what she looked like even though I doubted I'd ever forget. 

"Just give it back." I reached out for my phone but he shoved it in his back pocket then he and Amie sat surrounding me on my bed.

"No." He said.

"Look, Harper. I'm going to speak and you're going to listen, okay?" Amie began and I responded with an eye roll and slight nod. "You will not allow this woman to control your life anymore Harper. You haven't been yourself since Christmas and we miss you! You need to face the fact that at the moment you can't do anything. Even if you get together when Thalia out of rehab, that could not be for another month at least. I mean, sorry to be blunt but she might not even want to be with you again! She's gonna need to focus on herself for a while and if you love her, which it's obvious you do, you have to respect that."

"I do love her." I whispered, I wish I told her more than once.

"Exactly, either way, you wont know the situation for a while. So come back to us Harp. We're not asking you to go sleep with someone else or even to 'move on' but just let yourself think about other things. You must be so drained being upset about this." I absorbed her words and hated how smart she was since everything she was saying was true.

"We miss our Harper who'd be friendly with everyone not argue with the teachers she respects and shuts us out." Jason concluded with his eyebrows raised sassily. 

"You both need to let yourselves rest." 

"You're right. Sorry I've been so stubborn I've just been feeling bad for myself but thank you guys for sticking with me and being so smart." They shrugged smugly and we shared some laughs.

"Okay, well you need to get out of this bedroom so lets head to a club!" Jason rubbed his hands together excitedly. I decided not to argue, it was a Friday evening so what the fuck. 

"Lets get drunk."

----

The club was bursting with people as we entered, everyone swaying happily to the booming pop songs playing from the speakers. Our fake IDs were accepted immediately since Amie and I were looking especially good tonight.