Breaking Rules

29

Thalia's POV:

It was 8pm on a Wednesday night and I was sitting on my couch, surrounded by various sheets of bible pages with certain passages highlighted. When I was first introduced to the religious side of recovery back in the summer I was hesitant to say the least. I did all I needed to do, the prayers in group therapy etc. but never believed it. This time round however, I was all in. I prayed every night in the rehabilitation centre. I prayed for forgiveness for hurting the people I love, and safety for my family, friends and even students and co-workers from school. I prayed the most for Harper though.

The night she got shot. I felt it, in my heart. As if I was being hurt with her. Obviously I had no idea what had happened but I felt that she was in pain. I prayed extra hard that night, that whatever pain she was in she would make it through and would be okay. When Tyler and Gracie visited me the next day I asked them about her straight away. They told me they hadn't heard anything in a while so I made them call her phone. Her friend Amie answered and explained everything briefly. I was so upset that something like that had happened to her yet my heart couldn't help but feel warm at the fact I knew something was up. It made me feel that there was hope after all.

Then when I saw her, and broke down in front of her. She forgave me. My prayers had literally been answered but I knew I would never be able to forgive myself. I still had a lot to make up for but I didn't know if she'd let me.

I knew I loved the girl. We told each other after our night together. That night replayed in my head every night without fail. She was so caring to me. I didn't want to show her my body, I hated it. But she made me love myself for those few hours. After I stopped talking to her I began to hate myself again. That was the part of recovery I found the hardest but spending a few hours with the girl of my dreams made me forget everything bad in the world.

The way her eyes crinkled when she gave me a genuine smile, how she bit her lip before kissing me. She kissed every part of my body that I hated and didn't even ask me about my scars.

Thinking of her made me miss her, as usual. Letting out a sigh, I leant back in my seat on the couch and opened up my phone going to my voicemails to listen to her message for the millionth time. Sometimes I fell asleep to it whenever I felt stressed out. I could practically recite it.

"Hey... Uhhhh, I don't know what to say I kinda had a conversation planned as if you would pick up." She paused for a couple of seconds, I breathed along with the heavy breathing I heard from her side of the phone.

"I miss you... Lots. Ugh I'm drunk so I'm just gonna say what's in my mind and regret it tomorrow. I miss you. And, I love you. You know, everyone always said 'when you know you know' which I always thought was complete bullshit but here I am, knowing. Without you. You're the most beautiful person I've ever seen in my life. Entirely angelic... Hmm, that's a good song title. Maybe I should write a song for you, Entirely angelic. I'm gonna write that down."

I smiled at the familiar sound of chalk on her chalk wall before she picked up the phone again.

"I know I haven't seen you since, that night. You know what's crazy? You could literally run me over and I'd thank you and forgive you. But you wouldn't, I trust that you wouldn't. Also you're a pretty good driver. You're an amazing teacher too, I don't know if I ever told you that but now you know... I wanna see you again, kiss you. Touch you. I want to see you smile when you see me. I love your smile. I want to be with you, laugh with you, let you hold me when I cry and do the same for you... Ughhhh, fuck my life I'm in love with my teacher... I should go, you wont even listen to this. I'll see you soon, hopefully... Bye."

I settled into a laying down position to click the replay button and relax to listen to her voice again when the angel herself called me. I took a couple of deep breaths and answered.