The Underbosses Psychiatrist (M/M)

01 - Chapter One - Zev Martin's Point Of View.

If things could be back to normal in a mafia crime family I would call this moment that. Normal. Or as close as people of this nature got. My life had been uprooted, blown apart and put back together by the strangest people. I cared deeply about just a few of these people more then I had ever thought possible. It was something I should have been more familiar with, but I wasn't. The truth was my deepest desire to treat the mind had blossomed from in inability to treat my own.

I liked to know what made the mind tick and change. When Maddox had exposed me to his world in a very traumatic way it seemed to add to my already damaged mind. The night terrors got worse and despite the fact that I could shove down and hide that damage it didn't feel right to treat patients that need a clear and stable mind to treat them. I referred almost all my patients, it was something that needed to be done. Practicing on these people was far too dangerous now that one attacker had targeted me before. Maddox offered me a permanent position as the mafia shrink and I took him up on that, after all this place was a funhouse of damaged minds.

The second attack had made sure even my new office suffered, far worse than before. With the restoration being nearly completed I was counting the days left until I could go and open that door for patients. The second attack had caused plenty of new disorders in many of the wives and older children. There were plenty of people here I could help.

- - - - - - - - -

Jackson took me shopping with him, he was on a mission to find all the things he would need for his newly finished home section. With Rosie being with her grandmother Shelly, that left just me to help him pick out decorations.
Jackson was extremely picky with what he liked, there wasn't funky patterns or colours. Only clean darker colours. His OCD was a funny thing to watch, he was unfocused and moody when things were messy, but that didn't even come close to the anger he actively showed when things weren't put back in all the same places, even if they were better places.

"See anything you would like to include in the decorations?"

Carefully looking at the paintings I didn't find anything that he would be ok with having in his space. As we walk by the bedding section my eyes were drawn to grey, teal and black geometric bed sets. They were bright and eye-catching, I loved the way it made me feel. Walking away from Jackson and down the aisle, the bedding looked even nicer up close.

Jackson visibly hated the bedding, he didn't even try to hide his hate for the thing. I honestly waited for words about how much he hated it. He didn't say a word instead he found a queen-sized set and set it in the car. My favourite phrase sat on the tip of my tongue. All I wanted more at that moment was to ask how that made him feel. Biting my tongue I watched him look over the twin bed sets for Rosie. He picked a very bright rainbow and black blanket set for Rosie, right away I knew it was something she was going to adore.

That was where Jackson ended buying things that weren't darker coloured. The towels for the house, black. The drinking glasses, black see-through glass. The plates a medium grey colour. Our cart, minus the bedding looked dark and depressing, like a lonely cold winter night. It made me wonder what was going on in his head at every single moment.

Jackson avoided every chance to completely poke around in his head. He wouldn't let me know how he was feeling, His OCD and anger issues pointed to other larger disorders that I couldn't even attempt to try to define because he wouldn't let me. He even went as far calling me completely arrogant and rude when I pointed out his blatant OCD. He had some issues that existed for sure, but so did I.

After shopping, I felt so drained. Helping Emerson with Ares the last couple of nights before had managed to just snatch all the energy I had. I was satisfied and delighted to see how much Maddox cared for Ares and Emerson. When Maddox wasn't working he took every moment to make himself open and useful to Emerson. I deeply worried about how Emerson would cope with the heavy bleeding that came after birthing Ares but that seemed to get better every day as the birthing hormones dissipated. This would be the first night where Jackson and I had just his quiet place to ourselves. Rosie was with her grandmother, There was honestly a lot of work to be done. With the house and all its rooms being nearly done people started to move back in, it once again gave me to option of going back to my own home. With me working for Maddox in the medical section it seemed redundant to have my home. I wasn't attached to it in any way, it was plain and clean, I had done nothing to make it my own in the five years I owned it. Part of my brain, the part where my training and education didn't decide to reach, feared Jackson would find out about my home being empty finally and want me to leave.

Watching as he loaded all the bags into the back of an SUV, not a shared one, but the one he owned for himself. I couldn't help but feel lonely if he decided to tell me to leave. I was positive I would feel alone in my large empty home. Rosie and Jackson had changed my daily lifestyle and I feared the day when it would go back to what it was before I nearly died.

The thoughts of Jackson and Rosie going back to there normal life fucked me up in the worst way.