The Underbosses Psychiatrist (M/M)

04 - Chapter Four - Zev Martin's Point Of View.

After relaying the messaged from Alexi to Jackson he didn't seem as happy as he once was. He started to actually complain about being over budget because Alexi was ignoring Maddox about increasing the budgets now that Andrei was out of jail. I didn't want to tell Jackson to stop whining but the words left my mouth before I could stop them. He froze solid, his entire body turned to me.

"Excuse me, Would you care to repeat yourself?"

There was a glint of something in his eye I hadn't seen there before and it was a pretty hazardous glint. The words I wanted to say were right there on the tip of my tongue, but they didn't get said. Instead of being said, I seemed to be tongue-tied. Jackson was walking towards me. He was walking at a strange half pace and it made me nervous, I'd never seen him like this.

"I didn't... I wasn't---"
"You are so incredibly mouthy today Dr.Martin." his words crept down my spine giving me chills, down my arms and down my spine. The hair in the back of my neck stood up. I knew Jackson hadn't slept well but id never saw him hostile like this. The worst part about him getting close like this was the fact we had a connection, a spark.

I had already been there and done the dirty with him. The best action here would be to starve the spark and hope it dies, but then it could also become a fire. And then consume us both. I stuck out my hand trying to keep him at a distance but when his chest connected with my hand, I looked up into his eyes. That was my worst mistake. His eyes were the part of him that I found myself lost in. I could drown in the depths of his eyes and be ok with that.

Jackson pressed his lips to mine. There wasn't any kissing back on my end. Not because I did want to kiss him back, I did, but I couldn't.

"Jackson---"
"No, I got it."

He left his area of the house, I wanted to go after him. The logical and educated side of my brain said no. Give him some time to get his anger under control. Otherwise, nothing but us fighting would transpire. I didn't expect him to come back for a while. That gave me plenty of time to ponder about going back to my home. Rosie wouldn't be home for a few days because she was spending a week with her nana. Checking through all my things I found my house keys, Wallet and a few other things. My car and the keys had been completely obliterated by the attack at my office. Also, I was not about to ask Jackson to drive me home. Instead, I took the walk to Emerson and Maddox's area and went inside when I heard the door unlock. Emerson looked really good, His hair was done and he was dressed.

"Hey, Zev, What's up?"
"You look good, Feeling better today?"
"I feel really good today, How about you?
"I mean, I came asking a favour but Im not above walking lord knows it might help."
"Walk where? Are you nuts it's seven at night it will be dark before you even get back to town!"
"I wanted to check over my house, I haven't been home in months."
"I understand, Im sure Jackson would be happy to take you----"
"No thanks, I'd rather not be in that close space with him."
"Are you Jackson fighting?"
"Absolutely not."
"For a doctor your lying skills suck."

I narrowed my eyes at him.

"I'll see if Maddox or My father can take you home."
"Im sure walking will be-----"
"No its too late I texted Maddox."
"Oh. Ok."
"You and Jackson are fighting, but about what?"
"Honestly, when I figure that out you will be like first to know."
"I better be. We are friends."

Maddox came about fifteen minutes later, his face showed annoyance, I hoped it wasn't with me.

"Are you ready to go?"
"You don't have to take me, I can walk."
"No, it's not safe."
"I just don't want to pull you away from your work, you must be busy."
"Hardly. I have three underbosses with massive attitudes today, id love to smash all their heads together."

We walked out to the car after Maddox held Ares for a quick few moments. Once in the sports car that's when he asked as he started the car.

"What did Jackson do to upset you and vice versa?"

I sighed before answering. It was clear that Maddox wasn't so much asking as he was demanding I give up my information about the events.

"Jackson did something to which I couldn't retaliate the same way. Not that I didn't want to, it's not right for me too."
"I see, Jackson not a fan of not getting his way, when he finds out your not there he's probably going to be pissed."
"I have my own reasons for not giving him what he wants. I should be allowed that."
"Indeed, you should."

My reasons for not kissing Jackson back were stupid and ill-placed but after everything, it was my fear of everyone I care about getting close then leaving me. My fear of abandonment started in my teenage years and only got worse with every failed relationship. Add on the trama I had at the hands of a man I loved in my very early twenties, and you had a real heartbreaking tale.

Maddox seemed content with my answers, when he pulled into my driveway he turned to me and spoke.

"Id like to think we are close enough to be friends, Zev, I've known you for a few years. Next time something like this happens and you need someone to talk to I can lend an ear. Or Emerson can, neither of us has your fancy education, but you said many times before that telling someone your secrets no matter how bad can be lifesaving."
"Thank you. I appreciate that and we are friends Maddox."

Getting out of the car I walked to my front door and unlocked the door heading inside. I heard Maddox leave and sighed. My house was perfectly clean and looked ordinary, despite having let a family or two use it well their homes were being fixed. Nothing was different, nothing changed.

It was still dark and lonely.