The Underbosses Psychiatrist (M/M)

18 - Chapter Eighteen - Zev Martin's Point Of View.

With the current events of what was going on Jackson sent his daughter who was almost like my own daughter at this point we were so close, to go stay with his parents in a hidden villa, out of the country. This made me pretty sad. I felt bad he had to send her away because of me. I very rarely had just downright stupid moves but this would one of those. Sneaking out of the bed Jackson and I had been sharing, at four in the morning. I got dressed and made myself a coffee, I drank it as I penned a note to Jackson. Once I was done writing the note I read it over to make sure it was what I wanted to say.

Dear Jackson,

Remember when I told you I cared about you, You're my weakness. Rosie is also someone I care about which is why I have to go. I wish I could tell you that everything will be fine, I'm not sure that's true. I am fully aware of this time that I could die by his hand. I don't want any more of my friends or people I care about to die by his hands. There are a few options for stopping him. I could let him kill me like I've thought about honestly, but then there's the option that I kill him first. I was so set on trying to save him and the only way I might be able to do that is to kill him. I'm prepared to do what must be done if I have too. If I survive this, I want to tell you I love you. If I don't make it back, then I want you to know how much I love you and your daughter. You gave me something to care about and that's why I have to go.

With weakness, Zev.

Sneaking out of the kitchen and slipping my shoes on I left the area being as quiet as I could. The hand that grabbed me scared the living shit out of me. Creed stood there a smirk on his face, He was literally in the dark outside the door to Jackson's area.

"I told him you would try to leave, but he didn't listen."

"Are you going to tell Jackson?"

"No, I know the face of a man with a weakness and the feeling of needing to protect that."

"However, you could definitely use a hand."

"Alexi is not going----"

"What he doesn't know, won't kill him. He's sleeping soundly."

- - - - - - - - -

I didn't expect Creed to be the one to help me on my suicide mission, but I was glad not to be doing it alone honestly.

"I lost my family before, I know what it's like to have someone you want to protect, even if they don't understand," Creed said before handing me a knife as we got out at my house. The place was perfect, clean and untouched. I really was beginning to hate this house.

"When this is over, remind me to sell this shit house."

Creed only seemed to find the comment funny. Once inside he turned to me his face still and serious.

"I hope you're prepared to kill someone, because if your not then you won't make it out of this alive."

It was funny to me what he had said. He wasn't here empty-handed, he also had weapons on him. The knife I had was sharp and interesting, but it was nothing to the bunch of knives he had.

"You might physically be alive but mentally you could be dead."

Honestly those we're the most honest words, anyone had ever spoken to me. There were two people in this world, those who could take a life and sleep at night and those who took a life and couldn't live after that. I was going to find out what group I fit into. On the plus side, If I fell apart after this I knew I would be well taken care of and Jackson knew I loved him. Creed had gone about making sure the house looked normal and not like this was a setup. In the hour since we had arrived here, I had learned a lot about Creed. He was pretty open about his life and the bullshit he went through, however, he wasn't very open about his love for Alexi. But he didn't completely shut me down either, he just gave me one-word answers.

It was really weird to just be sitting in my house waiting to kill my ex who wanted me dead. The worst part was I just wanted it to be over. I had suffered enough and I understood that if it came to killing Nathan if I didn't do it I would be like Alexi, mad I didn't get to kill the man who hurt me. If anyone was going to kill him after all I deserved to do it. 

Creed spoke suddenly making me jump.

"Why didn't you kill him the night he did all that too you?"

I thought about it even though it wasn't something I had to think about, he was a momentary weakness. He knew it too. Nathan knew I had loved him and would have done anything for him. I couldn't have killed him that night even if I had been instructed to do so with a gun to my head. Love was a scary thing. It was the reason I was here in the first place and not at home with Jackson in that bed.

The sound of glass shattering from the backyard made both Creed and myself look at each other. Nathan was either really smart or really stupid. Creed sank back into the dark shadows of the room ready to watch the whole thing play out and lend a hand if it was needed.

"You never change do you Zev, Still the same pitiful creature."

I looked face to face at the man who nearly killed me. He was still the same monster I saw that night. Only the feelings of love for him were bitter and no longer hard to swallow. One of us would not be leaving this place alive and I was ok with that. The fear I had was still there just buried under the need to stop this man before he hurt anyone else.