The Underbosses Psychiatrist (M/M)

13 - Chapter Thirteen - Zev Martin's Point Of View.

When Alexi actually woke about almost eight hours later he was in a much better mood. He came over to see me and he looked better, Of course, he still had the dark circles, one night of rest wouldn't fix that. His hair was all over the place and he was dressed down. He was in a long sleeve and sweat pants. It wasn't any of those that shocked me, What shocked me was when he said thank you for the sleeping pills and said he had the best sleep in a very long time. He had a supply of a month and a half worth of pills. Hopefully, after that, he would let me write him a prescription for him to get his own sleeping pills. I was super happy with the fact the pills helped him sleep with no flashbacks or night terrors.

Creed also seemed really pleased with the outcome of the pills when he stopped by again later that night just after we ate dinner. After Creed left us alone it was odd. Rosie was tired from playing with Emerson and after dinner, she also left us. Jackson and I and just sat on the couch in silence.

"Hey, Zev?"

"Yes?"

"What did it mean when you kissed me?"

"You want to know huh?"

"Of course I do. You turned me down when I kissed you, what's different now?"

"My logical brain is broken I think. I'm doing dangerous things, it feels good."

"Really? Why?"

"I don't know, and I really don't understand it. But if you jumped off a bridge I would follow you. Isn't that the meaning of love?"

"I'm not sure. I'm, not the psychiatrist you are."

"I've tried to understand this feeling that growing inside of me and there are no other mental health problems that would cover the symptoms I have. Logically speaking I'm in love with you. Though I really don't understand it."

"Maybe you're not supposed to understand it?"

His hand slid over the middle couch cushion and touched mine as he tangled our fingers. The nagging in my head about this being a horrible decision like when he kissed me was missing, gone, not there. I didn't understand this feeling. It was almost scary that I wanted to feel this and more from Jackson. Fuck we had slept together before and there hadn't been this buzzing on my skin then like there was now every time he touched me, even if it was just holding my hand. The feeling was both inviting and scary.

Jackson seemed to understand the feeling when he spoke.

"I'm hopelessly obsessed with you. It sounds so bad to say out loud."

"It really does, but I think I understand."

"do you?"

"Yes, When I close my eyes I think about you, I can see you smiling, I know your scent. I could pick it up anywhere."

The deep breath I heard Jackson take in was the only warning I got as he used our hands that were tangled together to pull me closer to him. His lips collided with mine and the was no holding back from either of us. We kissed until we were both breathless and unable to put together thoughts. The way we were now tangled on the couch was pretty comfortable and I laid my head on his chest listening to the way his heartbeat. It was really comforting, the way his scent enveloped me was much the same way I stole the pillow he slept with when he left to go to his office in the early morning. 

"Tell me Zev, Will things be like this never happen tomorrow?"

"I hope not. It's hard to tell you about my feeling, Jackson. I don't want to have to do it again."

"What are you saying, Dr. Martin?"

The way he called me Doctor Martin did something to my stomach as it did flips. It was like a fluttering of untamed butterflies.

"I think, I'm pretty sure I'm asking you to explore this feeling with me."

"Understand this, Zev if we are going to do this you belong to me, and I to you. I will give you my all, I expect the same do you understand?"

I found myself nodding to what he was saying. Here I was a man older than him, nodding like I didn't trust my own tongue at the moment, which was really true. A man older than him just wanting to be his in all the best and worst ways. I would follow him into the dark and back if that's what he wanted. That was the scary part. My mind was damaged enough, I wasn't sure if I could handle it if he broke all my glass walls.

I really hoped Rosie was right about her father being able to fix all my boo-boos. Should that damn holding back the flood ever break. Jackson held me against his chest tightly and spoke.

"I'll do my best not to further destroy you."

"You can't destroy something that's been destroyed for so long, you can only break the remaining supports."

"Well, at least if I break you, I'll actively try to put you back together twice as hard."

He pulled me off the couch with him and towards the bedroom. My first thoughts were he wanted to have sex, but those were dashed when he pulled me to the bathroom and he told me to strip before he also did. He turned on the large shower and stepped in. My hands fumbled with my clothing as I tried to undress. Getting it all off, I forgot about my socks as I stepped into the shower. The feeling of wet socks made me instantly cringed as I peeled the nasty soaked things off and out of the shower door, they hit somewhere with a soggy thud.

Jackson had a bottle of soap in his hands when I turned to look at him. My logical brain took this time to activate. My brain was going a million miles an hour. When Jackson's hands touched my shoulders and massaged them, covering them in soap as well I could have sworn I was melting under his fingertips. Flashes from the night we fucked well I was unhinged played frontmost in my head and found myself in shock and oddly satisfied with the way I could still remember how I used his body. I could also remember how filling he was. That alone made my cock harden in excitement. I had a sudden urge to bang my head on the shower wall. Instead, I just let the way Jackson's fingers felt on my skin influence my next moves.