The Underbosses Psychiatrist (M/M)

05 - Chapter Five - Zev Martin's Point Of View.

There was no point lying about how depressing it was to be sitting in my home all alone, again. No other voices, no little feet running around, no sounds of any other soul but me. Sitting on the couch tucked up into the corner I sighed. Jackson had uprooted my entire life. The sound of silence wasn't something I was used to anymore. It wasn't my normal anymore like had been for nearly seven years. Ten O'clock at night and here I was unable to crawl in my own bed or be on my own because I was lonely again. Annoyed with how I felt I found myself going threw random spots around the house to try to entertain myself.  I was digging around in a drawer in my office when my phone went off, It was pretty late and I didn't want to bother anyone. So I didn't bother even going to the phone. Whoever it was could wait until tomorrow or whenever I felt like answering them.

Finding a bunch of old papers in the desk I found something I didn't really even know I had, nor wanted to find. Old court papers from the combined events that traumatized me in the first place. Unconsciously touched my shoulder where the scar from when the man I thought loved me tried to end me. It wasn't the first time, but it was the last. The man I had loved was sick and always so angry about everything. At the time I was studying to be a medic, but that ended when my brain fractured and I spent plenty of time trying to fix and repair the damn thing. Meds and keep control over my surroundings was generally the best way to keep sane.

Switching the focus of my professional life was the best thing I could have done. I enjoyed being a psychiatric professional, It was the best for me to keep my mind under wraps as well. Sighing I left the papers on the top of the desk and walked down the hall towards my bedroom. The guest bedrooms had been used but it seemed mine had been left untouched. I appreciated that my space had been untainted by unknown individuals. Opening the door my bed looked heavenly, the beige Egyptian cotton sheets, and the very light comforter. Hearing the door downstairs I grew instantly worried.  I didn't have anything to grab so I just carefully and quietly snuck down the hall and down the stairs. I didn't see anyone at the door or the surrounding area, I wondered if maybe I had just made the sound up in my mind. Walking to the kitchen, I found a footprint on the tile floor, as I turned around I came face to face with Jackson. Unfortunately for him, my damaged brain didn't process him as safe and when his hand touched my forearm I fought against him.

"Zev! Calm down!"
"No! no!"
"Zev! Stop, your safe! Please calm down!"

He held me tight against his chest despite that I basically attacked him. I was panting by the time my brain actually decided this was safe and Jackson could be trusted. I had scratched him a few times on the face and split his lip. He didn't seem to be worried about himself, however. He was worried about me.

"Are you okay? What happened, did I terrify you?"
"Im so sorry!"
"What happened?"

I touched the split in his lip and instantly felt guilty for hurting him again. He just held me there, still in his personal space. The more I became aware of that fact the worse it got for me to try to push down the want to kiss him better and make it up to him for this. Stepping out of his arms, I put space between us.

"Im really sorry, I don't know----"
"Zev, What the hell man!"
"Im sorry I didn't mean to hit you!
"Im not pissed about you hitting me just now, though it fucking hurt, but im pissed about you leaving and not saying a damn thing to me. I came home and you weren't home, there was no note, not text nothing, and when I called and texted you didn't respond."
"Oh, sorry."
"Oh, sorry? that's all you have to say?"
"What else do you want me to say? that I was worried about you not wanting me there? Maybe that I was scared you would still be angry with me because I couldn't kiss you back! Maybe what you really want to hear is that I do want to kiss you back, And I want to kiss you right now, But I cant! I just can't, I've damaged Jackson, I've got my own fair share of skeletons in my fucking closet!"

I watched his jaw tick as he seemed to be thinking about what he wanted to say next. I could almost see the wheels in his head turning before he spoke.

"If you wanted to come back here you could have asked me I would have brought you. Instead, I found out from Emerson about you leaving, I was worried. I also found out you had Maddox bring you here. You should have left me a note at home."
"Jackson, I thought maybe you should have had your home---"
"Our home."
"Jackson it's you and Rosies home, I have my own."
"I refuse to believe that. It's late and you are coming back with me if I have to carry you. Grab whatever you need and let's go"

He was clearly annoyed and not going to give me a chance to stay here. His tone had dropped into an angry snappy one. Leaving the kitchen, I went back to my home office to grab a few things for my office at the house, Jackson followed right behind me. Forgetting all about that folder on the desk I grabbed a few things, midway into the drawer of book and other things that would be useful for treating Alexi I heard Jackson swear loudly and turned around to find that file in his hands and opened. He was just flipping through all the reports in the nearly half-inch thick file folder.

"Well, I do understand why you tried to beat the shit out of me in the kitchen."