Her not so fortuitous Love

Chapter # 22

Aiden POV:-

It's been days since we came here and Jessica as usual is not interested in anything but I am trying my best to do things that will pique her interest. Why is distancing herself away from more than before, unlike before she doesn't even talk to me properly, just what the hell is going through her mind? Should I talk to her about it?  Maybe I should. 

"She doesn't talk to you let alone to open up" a voice came from inside me. I sighed deeply and watched her reading a book. We visited so many places, didn't do a lot of things together but it all felt incomplete without her smiles. Without her happiness; all of it is meaningless. I watched her and decided to talk to her. I stood up and walked to her. She looked at me and then turned her attention back to her book. I cleared my throat and called her, 

"Jessica.." She put down the book on her laps and spoke in her soft voice, "Yes?" 

"I want to talk to you."

"Yes, what is it?" I just don't know how to say it. I felt slightly edgy and began to say,  "Look,  Jessica… I.. I..  wanted to know..  why are you.. distancing yourself.. did I do something?" I looked at her expectantly. She stared at me for about a minute and I felt  anxious not wanting to hear something I don't want to. She sighed and began to say,  "I don't know." 

"You always say that." I mutter to myself. She took another sigh and continued, "I just want some time to think." 

"About what?" 

"Myself." She said. 

"So… it's not about us?" I asked hesitantly. She shook her head no and stood up. I also stood up and when she was about to leave I held her arm. I stared at her intensely as her gaze was fixed anywhere but my eyes. Why don't you look at me dead in the eye? I took a step towards her and moved the back of my palm to her cheek and stroked it gently and moved it down. Under my piercing gaze which always held her captured, she didn't lift her gaze because she knew if she looked at me, she would lose her senses just like the night of our reception. My thumb brushed against her neck, feeling her shudders. I slowly turned her to me and smiled. I stared at her with such intensity that it made my heart skip beat. My throat dried and began to beg to explore her soft lip. Her enchanting looks stirred my mind as my gaze travelled down and stopped at her lips. She swallowed which tempted me more. My lips dried and urged to feel her. My thumb from her neck moved up to her lips as my thumb brushed against her lips. I feel like all the things want me to pull me close to her,  as if I am made for her, the feeling of yearn for her is getting intense. I have begun to crave her,  what I have begun to feel about her is cherished. 

My lips slightly parted and I began to stutter, "J-Jessica.. umm… c-can I.. k-kiss you..?" I asked her because I don't want to make any mistakes. That may be proved fatal for our relationship, it would be better if I kiss her with her permission. She turned her away and tugged her hairs behind her ear, she seemed tense and she also stuttered, "Y-Yeah.. Y-You don't have to ask. Y-You have all right. I-I don't have any problem." The grief in her voice was clear. I closed my eyes and pulled my hairs d away and the emotions, the arousal evoked in me, faded away and was replaced by nothing but a feeling of heartbreak, like a barely controllable emotion of misery and sadness. I inhaled and took a step and felt disgusted as I gave her a seething look as he hissed, "Just because we are married isn't it?" 

"W-What other reason i-it could be?" She asked bewildered. I narrowed my eyes at her as a tear pricked in the corner of my eyes. I felt so repugnant ,my heart felt like being clenched in her hand and it hurts a lot.

"Don't you feel anything for me?" I asked in a desperate voice. 

"A-Aiden.  Look.. I have t-told you.  I-I.." She trailed off because she knows she has no words for my consolation for the agony she is igniting in my heart. I curled my hands in a fist and took a step back. 

"Don't worry.. I won't touch you." I told her and walked away.

My heart felt heavy, I felt like my dream of having a happy married life is slipping out of my grasp, like a needle is pricking my heart over and over again and I can feel the hurt but cannot react to it. 

The murk of night spread everywhere. The gloom as my heart fell everywhere. I looked at my hands, devoid of every emotion. Am I going grocery be punished for my one little mistake forever. Will the guilt of rejecting her ever leave me? But Jessica is being unfair, in these years, she is not the only one who suffered, if she cried to forget me, I cried to forgive me. I have also suffered, I know it took me a lot of time to understand that love is based upon similarities. To love is to understand, to support,  to respect and care about each other. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back. I inhaled deeply and felt my whole being getting crushed under the upheaval I am against. 

Feeling empty, I went back and saw Jessica sleeping. I laid on my side and plopped on my elbow and looked at her. Her eyes were closed, a lull washed over me when I looked at her, a wave of serenity filled me with I looked at her as a smile crept upon my lips. I moved my hand close to her face and caressed her affectionately. 

I hope you can give me a last chance.. 

The next day, I woke up and saw. Jessica is not beside me. I sat up and stretched and I freshened myself and walked out of the room but she was nowhere to be found, I sighed, maybe she was out for a walk. I looked around and saw she prepared breakfast for me. I ate my breakfast and since she is not here, I don't know what to do, I would have spent my time looking at her but now what should I do? I shrugged my shoulder and began to pass my time,  waiting for Jessica to come back home.

Time passed. It was lunch time, she still wasn't home. I kept telling myself she would be back but when the sun set,  my tranquil broke as I went to look for her. I felt anxious and so worried about her, where are you? Are you okay? I felt so scared something might not happen to her, I quickly shook my head and searched for her. I was about to call the cops but before I decided to visit the park near the villa, hoping she might be there. I looked around and saw Jessica crying sitting on a bench. A sudden calm took over me as I ran to her and engulfed her in a hug. 

"God Jessica, where were you?! I was so worried about you? You could have told me!" I said exasperated. She held my arms and continued to cry. 

"I.. I lost my.. way back home.. I was so scared.. My phone's battery ..died.." She said between the sobs. I rubbed her back and kissed her head. I continued to soothe her and took her back home with me. She sat on the sofa as I bent on my knees and held her hands in mine and kissed her hands. She sniffed and kept looking down. 

"You scared me Jessica. The thought of losing you terrifies me. That's why from now on I want to make another vow." I said sincerely. She looked at me and I stared deeply into her eyes. 

"If you ever tried to walk away, I promised to walk after you and hold you close, to tell you I am here for you. I vow to never let you go." I said with in-depth emotion of fondness for her. Her lips began to quiver and she lowered her head. I stood up and kissed her head and walked away ruffling her hairs before saying,  

"I have ordered food for us,  let's have dinner." 

***

And once again things are silent between us. Honestly I am getting tired of this silence. Anyone can bear a few days of silence but if your whole honeymoon was spent in silence, it is an unnerving thought. I sighed and came to Jessica to ask her about when to return. I am getting bored here. An empty laugh escaped my lips,  bored on my honeymoon, how ironic. Even if I don't show it, it's stressing me out. It just frustrates me drastically. 

Jessica was sleeping while sitting on a chair. I walked to her and picked the book thrown on the ground. I exhaled and lifted my head and looked at her. Stop pushing both of us in the abyss. I gave her a sad look and was about to stand but her being a light sleeper she woke up. Since I was trying to stand, my face was close to her as she misunderstood something and quickly backed away and began to say slightly startled,  

"L-Look Aiden… I-I need some time..  Don't.. Just don't… I-I am not ready to take our relationship any further. A-and I want to go back." her words pricked my heart as I narrowed my eyes at her in disbelief. My heart felt like it was torn into pieces. Sudden anger took over me and she thought of me like that. 

"Do you think that low of me Jessica? Why would I do anything when you are sleeping. If you hate me that much then fine,  we will go back right now and I will not show my face to you!" I snarled and left throwing the book on my hand over the bed, feeling hurt..