Her not so fortuitous Love

Chapter # 4

I was pacing around the room in aggravation. My heart began to beat fast just at the thought of confession. Sweat rolled down my forehead as my hands and feet were freezing cold. I heaved any put my hand over my forehead. Filled with extreme anxiety and stress, I pulled my hairs as Katie's words echoed in my mind,

"Confess before it's too late."

But, What if he doesn't like me back? I mean we are good friends but what if doesn't see me this way. Maybe this confession broke our friendship. No, no, no, I don't want that. But, these feelings are filling my heart and their are getting stronger day by day and the only way to eradicate this is to confess.

Stuck with this dilemma, I shivered just by the thought of what if he accept me. Don't put your hopes high. I have never felt like this before and the thought of not receiving love from the person I gave my heart to is breaking my soul miserably.

But at the same time, if I didn't profess my feelings maybe I'll regret it later. The regret of not telling him might not eat me up, I need to tell him, to ease  my heart but I am afraid because I don't want listen to something that might be unbearable for me, something which broke my heart beyond repair, I don't want that too.

Either this love would become my salvation or my devastation.

I never thought falling in love but be this mesmerizing and stressing at the same time. I am stuck with two situations. First, if he felt the same I'll feel so contented, like I got everything in this world just like the dream of mine having a love life, If I received his love, I don't think that I need anything else, like an everlasting wish of mine would be fulfilled, giving me immense serenity. Second, he doesn't feel the same for me and my confession can leave a great impact on our friendship too, shutting me off from him forever leaving me with nothing but those heartbreaking feeling and those endless moment I spend with him as they are embedded deep into my soul. Pushing my deep into those abyss from where I can never return from, breaking every inch of my core drastically while stirring my mind and leaving me with a inability to think nothing but despair.

I took a deep breath and made up my mind to confess to him. I called Aiden to meet me in the park. I have to do this, the remorse of not telling would be more greater.

A heavy pant escaped my lips as I rub my hands together to calm my vexed form but no avail as undesirable thoughts came to my mind causing a commotion in my mind. I mentally cursed myself because I don't think that I am ready to tell him. The silhouette of his mystic form is visible as he walked closer and my heart was about to leap out of my chest. I took a deep breath and raised my gaze and met his exquisite one. He gave me his usual smile and stopped in front of me,

"Hey." he said.

"Hi.." I said shyly tugging a strand of my hair behind my ear and turning my head away.

"You said you want to tell me something?" He asked. I gave him a vague nod and began to say,

"Yeah.. you see.. you know.." I trailed off.

"Is everything alright?" He asked concern. I nibble on my lip and swallowed hard as I muster some courage and continued,

"What I am going to tell you, don't let this affect our friendship, okay?" I said.

"Okay.. I guess." He said shrugging his shoulder. Just how easy it is to be ignorant. Can he see my calm chaos? Just how I am dying?

"Ever since we have met, I have began to like you Aiden." I said too quickly, shutting my eyes feeling scared to hear his answer. I remained like that as a shiver of dread went down my spine when a deadly silence feel upon us. My heart felt heavy as I slowly opened my eyes and met his looking at me questioningly,

"Come again?" He asked. Come on, you can do it. My lips began to quiver as I said slowly, "Aiden... I have fallen for you. I love you." I finishedin a faint voice.

I looked at him intensely to see his reaction. He was taken aback. He didn't said a word as his eyes were wide. It took him a few seconds to register to my words and when he did, the thing I was dreading for happened,

"Look Jessica, We are so different. Even if we go in a relationship our differences will become an obstacle for us and I honestly don't think that we can work. I'm sorry Jessica, I don't love you." He chose his words cautiously so that they won't break my heart but they already did. Love can prevail obstacles, it can prevail differences.

Now this time, he looked at me intently waiting to see my reaction. Only if can see the ravage inside my heart. He felt slightly scared not wanting to see my breakdown. The look of worry is clear that he doesn't want to see my tears. For your sake, I held this agony inside me and let it crumble me.

"It's okay.." I whispered in a croaked voice.

"Jessica, You are an amazing friend and I honestly don't want to lose you. I hope you can understand." He tried to reassure me.

"Maybe love can happen between us later." He continued to say these comfy thing to my consolation but I felt devoid. I just remained motionless as wind swayed my hairs hiding my face in the balmy breeze. The cold breeze embrace me, making the anguish more fierce, my heart felt so heavy that I couldn't move. My mind lost it's ability to think, falling in a bottomless pit of misery.

I inhaled deeply and does what I should.

I lowered my gaze and turned my lips upward as I gave my head a tilt in left direction, mouthing 'okay' and began to walked away without speaking another word feeling... rejected...