A Hippy That Plays With Fire

First Fear Landscape

It's the next day and I'm so tired it's a joke. I hardly slept last night because I knew that today is the day where we do our first fear landscape.

I hate being vulnerable. I hate facing my fears but if I want to make it into dauntless I need to do anything and everything.

Everyone was being called in one by one. With each person that went in my anxiety went through the roof. And with every person that came out shaking in fear and muttering to themselves as if they have lost their minds makes me so scared.

The maximum time that someone has been in there has been 20 minutes. I don't even know all of my fears properly.

At the moment it's only me and tris left. I knew that she was anxious about this because this is where we are most vulnerable about our divergency.

I grabbed her hand and squeezed it to reassure her that she's not alone. She looked at me and smiled. Four called her forward and she went into the room.

I just sat there thinking. How am I going to hide my divergency? I just have to think dauntless but how? My hands are clammy and I could feel my top lip sweating with anticipation.

"Eden" four said as tris came out like 3 minutes later. She looked ok but I could see that she was worried.

I stood up and made my way into the small room. There was a chair just like the one used for the aptitude test, a computer and syringes. The room was lit with an orangey toned light.

"Take a seat" four said shutting the door behind me. I walked over and sat down and just braved myself for the worst.

"I'm going to inject a serum that simulates the part of your brain that processes fear"

"How fun" I stated sarcastically. I swung my legs onto the chair and laid back. I took a deep breath and watched four prepare the syringes.

"It induces an hallucination and then the transmitters that are in the serum will allow me to see the images of your mind" I sat up.

My eyes widened in fear of him seeing everything I'm afraid of. My weaknesses.

"You can see everything?"

"Uh huh" he hummed. He then stepped forward and gently pushed me down onto the chair. He injects me with the serum and I could feel myself getting slightly drowsy.

"You are going to be facing your worst fears Eden. Most people tend to have 10 to 15 bad ones. You have to calm yourself, slow your heart rate and your breathing and deal with what's in front of you"

"Be brave" was the last thing I heard him say before my eyes dropped and I was surrounded by darkness for a couple of seconds.

I open my eyes and look around and see that I'm in the middle of the ocean. I cant see what's underneath me, I can't see any land anywhere. I can't swim at all. I felt my head go underwater and I panicked. I opened my eyes and just saw darkness.

"This isn't real" I whispered to myself. I let my body relax and focused on making my breathing steady.

I open my eyes and I'm now in an empty room. It has a punching bag in the corner and that's it. I see someone who I don't know come out from the darkness.

"You are not good enough. How do you suppose you are going to keep everyone safe if you can't hit something properly? You are a failure"

This man kept repeating himself and telling me that I was a failure. I hate that. I want to be able to be good enough for anything. I have worked so hard to get to this point in my life I'm not giving up now.

He kept going on and on and on. I had had enough. I turned around and punched him right in the temple and he was knocked out instantly.

I'm now in a glass box. I can't get out. I look out and see tris, Chris, will, Al and four?

Why is four here ? I'm so confused. Then I see people with guns. All my friends get scared but they don't move. I tried to run to help them but I was stuck in this box. I started to shout at them but they couldn't hear me.

This is horrible. I can't help them. I'm panicking. Watching them get killed right in front of me and I can't do anything about it.

They are dropping to the floor like flies. I hate this. I feel vulnerable. I took another deep breath and just dropped to the floor whilst closing my eyes.

I walk forward and see that I'm in the Amity fields in front of my home. I already know what's about to happen. I slowly walked into my childhood house and it was silent.

I went into the kitchen and saw my dad sitting at the table. He did not look happy. He saw me and stood up. I stood my ground. I am not afraid of him anymore.

"Oh look who came back?" He said stepping closer and closer to me. I could feel myself feeling angry. I clenched my hands into fists to keep my cool

"You have now realised that what I did to you was right" I couldn't look at him in the eyes. They are the eyes that haunt me to this day.

"Look at me!" I whipped my head towards him and saw his hand coming towards my face and I grabbed his hand. My elbow collided with his chest. He stumbled back and I kicked him in the head.

I gasped and shot up out of the seat. I saw that I was now standing up in the fear landscape room. I went over to the walk and leaned against it, breathing heavy. I didn't want to look at four. I knew he would have a look on his face and I didn't want to see it.

"How long do you think you were in there for?" He simply said as if anything he saw didn't faze him.

"About 30 minutes"

"You were in there for 2 and a half minutes. It seems 3x longer in the simulation"

I sighed and just looked at him. He looked impressed but I could also see a hint of sympathy.

"The average person is in there for about 10 minutes minimum. How did you do it?"

"I don't know" he stared at me waiting to see if I would crack. I don't know what I did. I just did it to get through it all.

"You can go"

"Thanks" I walked out and just roamed the halls for a bit trying to get around everything that just happened.