Letters to Andee

Chapter 1

ANDEE'S POV

Jumbled thoughts run through my frantic mind.

His arms wrapped tightly around my waist and my fingers tugged at his hair before he removed his shirt. I pushed him against the wall to try and be closer to him. I could taste the alcohol on his tongue but that just made me want him more.

The throwing up.

How could this happen to me?

Not right now...

This can't be happening...

I'm not ready for this...

My job... my dreams of my own gym...

I'm sobbing. I can't think straight. Why me? Why now?

I see Esther in the doorway and the worry is etched onto her face, I keep crying.

"Andee... what is it?" she whispers. She knows something's wrong.

"I... I..." I hiccup, "I think I'm pregnant..." I cry and look up at my best friend. The shock is so clear on her face, that look of shock and maybe a little disappointment twists the knife that has been shoved through my heart.

She sits down on the floor of the bathroom with me and puts a hand to her forehead, I know her, I know she's going through every possibility and scenario of the situation. Thinking of that myself makes me nauseous and I want to throw up again.

"How... what?" she stutters, eyebrows furrowed.

"I... I..." I can't get it out, I start to hyperventilate and she grabs my arm, pulling me up and leading me to the couch.

I'm a blubbering mess as she sits down and squeezes my hand, encouraging me to talk.

"I... I didn't really crash on Harry's couch..." I mumble, pulling my hand from Ess' and threading both through my hair.

"On New Year's?" she whispers.

"I... I... I was so drunk, and so was Harry..." I sob, tugging at my hair in frustration.

Harry.

Holy shit Harry.

He's going to be a father.

He doesn't know.

I push those thoughts to the back of my mind and continue, "We went back to his place after you guys left and I guess..." I can't even finish the sentence.

I'm not this girl. I have a plan. Always. I was going to get married before having children.

"Andee..." I look up at Ess and she looks like she's going to cry.

"I woke up before he did and I snuck away... he doesn't remember it at all, he hasn't said anything to me about it..." I grab a tissue from the coffee table and swipe it under my nose.

"Why the hell did you do that?" Ess gasps.

"I was scared! That wasn't supposed to happen, I'm not this girl Esther." I snap and stand to my feet, tugging at my hair yet again. "I didn't really think much of it and then I missed my period and I started to freak out more." I'm going to hyperventilate again.

"This isn't me." I breathe deeply and start to pace across the living room.

"This can't be happening!" I yell desperately. "This isn't happening. I'm dreaming. This isn't real. I didn't have sex with Harry. I'm not pregnant. This isn't real." I chant, hoping it is true. "Please tell me I'm dreaming." I frantically look up at Esther and her face holds so much sadness it snaps me back to reality.