Letters to Andee

Chapter 8

CHAPTER 8

ESTHER'S POV

I had no idea Andee would be home when I got there.

I had no idea Andee would be in the state she was in when I got there, nor was I prepared for it.

I left the boys upset, they wanted me to stay and Andee to join us, but she has her first ultra-sound and I know she wouldn't have been able to handle all that time alone with the boys without having an anxiety attack.

I left Australia in a bittersweet mood. It would have been so fun to stay with the boys on their break. Australia is a great place and I could have spent more time with them. It's not that I didn't spend time with them but they had concerts and promos and photo shoots and interviews to go to so that's what I did too. It would have been great to spend time with them when it wasn't between shows or in a car with screaming fans but I missed Andee even though we fought; we've always been like this. We're really short with each other sometimes but the next day we laugh about it. We're complete opposites so we but heads a lot but I love her to death.

I was worried about her and I guess it was for good reason.

When I got home she was bent over in the kitchen clutching her stomach.

I went into panic mode, I threw everything I was carrying onto the floor and ran up to her.

"Andee?! What's wrong?" I ask loudly, I don't handle these types of situations well.

She shakes her head but doesn't say anything.

I put my hand on her back and try to get her to talk but she doesn't say anything, at all, I just listen to her cry.

"What is it? Cramps again? Or is it something else? You have to talk to me." I say and she shakes her head again.

"My stomach..." she whispers and I freeze.

If it's something wrong with Baby...

I'm not going to even finish that thought. I told myself I was going to be positive.

"Let's go." I grab her arm and she protests but I get her outside and into a cab. She cries the whole time but still doesn't talk. The cab driver looks extremely confused and awkward but he continues driving. "Andee, you need to calm down." I whisper and she looks at me with fear in her eyes.

"What if it's Baby?" she whispers and I can't help the tears that gather in my own eyes. "This is different pain... I-If it's Baby..." she starts to sob and I grab her to hug her. She continues to cry on my shoulder and clutch her stomach until we get to the hospital.

ANDEE'S POV

I just got excited about Baby, I was going to tell Harry and we would be a happy little family. I had it all pictured in my head.

But now I don't know what's going to happen and I can't get the worst case scenarios out of my mind.

What if I'm having a miscarriage? Harry and I's relationship would seem normal again but I would always have that hanging above my head. Would I tell him?

Sorry Harry you were going to be a father but I didn't tell you because I can't handle commitment so I kept it a secret but I had a miscarriage and I'm sorry?

I can't do that to him.

Harry would be an amazing father and I'm so thankful that I'm having his baby instead of somebody else's; the thought alone makes me want to vomit.

All of the happy thoughts I had just generated about our little one are now fading. No nursery. No cute little baby stocking caps or booties. I won't feel Baby kicking or be kept awake in the night by their wiggling. I won't change any dirty diapers or wake up in the middle of the night to crying. I won't go into labor or have my water break. I won't get to pick out baby clothes nor have people ask if they can hold her.