Words I never Tell

Chapter 13

Hariette

I glance at the bedside table. It's already eleven o'clock in the evening. Buti naman at kumalma at nakatulog na din si Alliston.

I could feel her weight in me. The weight that she's been carrying all along. Just to save all of us too.

People may say that she's cunning and selfish. But no one can deny the fact that she'll do everything to help us all. And she's too tired. Too empty. Too broken.

Fuck you, Kyeroh! I'll make your life a living hell. How can you destroy someone as pure as Alliston? You made her a wreck. And my heart is grieving for her too. I can't wait sa kung anong ginagawa ng karma sayo ngayon na gago ka.

How can I leave you, Alli? Baka pag ginawa ko iyon, lalo ka ng kainin ng galit mo. I can't blame you, but you can't blame us too. Even your parents are mad at you dahil sa ginawa mo. You destroyed a family, Alli. You should accept it. You should pay for it. You should face the consequences.

We won't leave you Alliston. We love you. We will stay with you. You just have to be open to all of us. You have to trust us na hindi lahat sasaktan ka. Let us protect you too. You get hurt because you absorbed everything. You gave your all without reservation that's why you're reaching the bottom of the bottom. Please pull yourself up too?

I can stay but I can't tell how long. Much as I want to stay, it will surely hurt us for sure. Ako, ikaw, si Candice. Soon lahat ng mga kaibigan natin masasaktan. Jen will hate Candice. Grant will hate you. What will happen to them, Alli? Have you thought about it? They have a child too.

Napalunok na lang ako para alisin yung bara sa lalamunan ko.

"I love you, Alli. Please let me go." I kissed her forehead. "Please help me let you go. We're both broken that's why we are absorbing each other's anger and hatred towards the people who betrayed us. Those who hurt us."

Inayos ko yung pagkakakumot nya. She must be too drained. "Remember our mistake? When we were seventeen? You told me that we can scream under the pool. Scream until our lungs burst." Natawa pa ako nang maalala ko iyon.

"Remember what happened? No one heard us screaming. We suck in all the pain. That's why no one comforted us. Just us. That hurts right? It hurts me to see you wallowing in our pains too. So let's both scream. Let's both cry. Let's both let it out. Let's both heal. Let's both live. Probably not together. But we have to keep moving ha?"

Naiiyak ako. All of the memories that Alli and I had surpassed together. Ako, sya, at si Grant. We are all inseparable. We all thought that we're all end up being a player. Yung masaya na kaming tatlo being each other's beck and call. That's why Alli was so mad at Grant nung malaman nitong noon pa may relasyon yung pinsan nito at si Grant. She also hated me because I kept it a secret from her because I want to protect Grant too.

Akala ko Grant will outgrow that feeling but she never did. That's why to punished me, Alli helped Grant and Jen to be together. Alli choose her cousin over me because I choose to favor Grant din noon kesa sabihin sa kanya yung totoo. Alli gives people what they deserve. That's her nature. So I can't hate her.

"I love you, Alli. No matter what happens, I will be there for you. We are all in pain. It never ends. We just need to learn to live with it. " Hinawi ko yung ilang hibla ng buhok na tumabing sa pisngi nya.

"Sabi mo di ba? We just have to make room for it. Pain is the only thing left when no one else is. Whether we want it or not, pain will continue to exist, so we must exist as well. Don't give up yet, I almost made that mistake. Someone will come for you too. That someone will make you realize why it hadn't work out the way you wanted it to be. Someone will make you feel how precious you are."