Ban x Reader
(So this was supposed to be one thing, but I realized that I wasn't too deep in my insecurities to do what the "letter" entailed, so I turned this into a fic so I wouldn't concern people. I just realized I would concern people by saying that, whoops. I feel like I need to warn you, so ⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️)
I've never felt desperation like this before, my will to live slowly going down the drain knowing I just might lose what's been keeping me here all this time. If I am to lose that special thing, well.. I can take the initiative and kill myself off. But, would Ban appreciate that? No.. no he would not. He'd rather have me live a life to its fullest but what he doesn't understand is that he's my life. He's what has been keeping me here for so long, and if I were to lose him, I might as well lose myself. I'd rather die than be the husk of who I used to be, a shining beacon that friends could come to and lay their head, talk of their negative emotions, let loose. I would be useless if I weren't a ventilator after all, but don't tell them I said that. Glancing over to where Ban laid asleep, I ran my fingers through his hair, humming quietly as every scenario ran through my mind. It made me sick knowing my mind was coming up with conclusions that ended with my own blood on my hands. It made me cry a little, but good thing Ban was asleep. He'd be fretting over me if he ever saw tears rolling down my cheeks, if he saw the light fading from my eyes as the weight in my chest got heavier and heavier. It hurt to breathe, but I had to keep going, or else I'd fail him for the last time. The feeling in my fingers were lost to me as I played with his hair, letting my mind wander to all the happy moments we've had. A hand pressed to my cheek awoke me from my thoughts as I looked back to the bed, seeing Ban awake and worried. "What's wrong, Ban...?" I murmured as he carefully shifted to sit up, pulling my chair closer to him. Pulling me down to kiss him, he soon let up and rested his forehead against mine, "why're you crying, (Y/N)?" He questioned as he tucked some hair behind my ear. He soon picked up my limp hands and held them, pressing kisses to them as he rubbed feeling back into them. "I... My mind's just making things harder for me Ban." I whispered as I felt more tears trickle down my face. He squeezed my hands as he laid back down, scooting over to make room for me. Tugging on my hands cued me to move, and I got into bed with him. This scared me even more as Ban tucked me against him, my ear pressed to his chest. But, it also soothed my loud thoughts to a dull hum as he ran his fingers through my hair. "Go to sleep, (Y/N), I'll see you in the morning. I love you." Ban murmured as I tucked my face into his neck, and I held onto him as I murmured back, "I love you too, Ban."
I woke up being held by strong arms, a steady heartbeat coming in my left ear. And from that, I started crying from relief. He was ok! My heartbeat was heavy in my ears, on the other hand. A large wet spot on my back where Ban's hand is. It confused me as Ban pushed my head back to his neck, whispering to me, or possibly to himself, that I was ok. That I was alive. I reached back and felt the back of my shirt, and I felt this overwhelming need to pass out. Tugging on the ends of Ban's hair, I mumbled to him, "I love you, banny.. just felt like you needed to know that." Little did I know, he would need that...
