Show Me the Way

Chapter 2: Education

"Whose is this?" Gerard asked, pointing to a guitar. Ray sheepishly raised his hand.

"You play?" Frank asked. "Me too! But I have to bring mine in next weekend."

"How come?" Gerard asked. Frank shrugged. "You heard me with that bag," he said. "I'm not built to carry things that big." They laughed and I smiled.

Frank lifted his hand to his face and said something to Gerard. "I'm sure there are people who do," Gerard said. "Mikey just doesn't. He doesn't like to laugh when he doesn't know what he sounds like." Frank blushed when I tilted my head at him.

I wiped the board that I'd been doodling on to write, "Did you ask if deaf people laughed?" Frank blushed harder and nodded. "It's okay," I wrote. I smiled at him, wishing I could speak.

Ray poked his head out of the bedroom. "Frank, all of your shit's in here, right?" he asked. Gosh, he was cute. And his arms, oh, God, those arms...

Shut up, Mikey! He's straight! Don't start fantasizing about your roommate, unless you want a year of awkward shit!

I looked back down at the board, trying to hide my pink cheeks. I couldn't start thinking about Ray or even Frank like that. My brain was right. They were straight, and I didn't have a chance with them. I sighed. The only person that I'd told I was gay was my brother. I was always nervous to tell other people, but I sort of had to tell the people I'd be living with for a year.

I jumped when Ray sat down beside me. "Oh, did I scare you?" he asked. "Sorry." I shook my head, watching the board. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and tugged it out.

G: hey there baby brother... you look really awkward next to ray...

ME: shut up! please dont say anything!

G: why would i do that? i was just pointing out that your attraction is a little bit obvious

I bit my lip and shoved the phone back into my pocket. I was so awkward it hurt. So much for this 'big changes' crap. I was nowhere near the badass I wanted to be.

I drew aimlessly on the whiteboard for a while, aware of but not partaking in the conversations going on around me.

I jumped again when Ray tapped my arm. I raised my eyebrows to acknowledge him. "Are you hungry?" he asked. I shrugged, feeling the warmth creeping into my face and ears again.

"We were thinking of doing something easy, like ordering pizza," Ray said. "Or we could go out somewhere, if you have a preference." I shook my head. "It's up to you guys," I wrote. Ray nodded.

I watched the guys discuss dinner plans, trying not to let my eyes linger on Ray for too long.

God, I really just wanted to touch his arms, as creepy as it sounded. I wanted to hold his hand and touch his hair. Maybe we would get to be good enough friends that I could touch it one day. I really just wanted to get to know him better and see what kind of guy he was.

"So we're going out, then?" Frank asked. Ray and Gerard nodded. "I can help with Mikey," Gerard said. I hated having to rely on him so much, but it was how things had to be sometimes. Maybe one day, Ray could help just as well as my brother could.

"I'll drive," Frank offered. "Please," Ray said. "Are you even able to see over the steering wheel?" Gerard laughed as Frank flipped them both off.

"Yes, I can, princess-" Frank said something that I didn't recognize. I looked at Gerard, who looked at the board in my hands. I bit my lip and leaned forward to hand it to Frank.

Frank stared at it. I wanted to sink into the couch cushions behind me. "What?" Frank asked. "He wants you to write what you said," Gerard explained. "He probably didn't get-" He said the same thing Frank had. Frank nodded.

"I called him princess fro-fro," Frank wrote. I nodded, then tilted my head. "What's that?" I signed, pointing at the word 'fro.'

Frank looked to my brother. "He asked what a fro is," Gerard said. "It's short for-" Another word I didn't know came out of Frank's mouth. "Can you write that?" I signed. Gerard translated.

"Afro," Frank wrote. I was purely fascinated. "What's that?" I signed again. Frank pointed at Ray. "His hair," he said. Ray fluffed his hair and smiled. Oh, my God. His teeth were perfect.

"Well, I have a loose fro," Ray said. "What's the difference?" I signed. Gerard sighed and translated again. "I really have to teach you guys sign language," he grumbled.

Ray tapped my shoulder and patted the couch beside him. I pulled myself back up next to him as he pulled out his phone. I leaned over, glanced at him to see if he was uncomfortable, then leaned a little bit closer. I watched as he searched 'afro,' then showed me pictures of people with big, round hair. I nodded. I'd seen them before, but I never knew that it had a specific name. I just thought of it as hair.

I felt my chin touch his shoulder and blushed. I leaned away from him so quickly that I slipped off of the couch. In that moment, I wanted to fall through the floor and live with the people underneath us. Except that they were girls. Hell, I was gay. I'd do well in a girl's dorm.

"Are you okay?" Ray asked. His eyes were wide as he helped me back up. Oh my God, I was holding his hand. I dropped it and my ass hit the ground again. I knew Gerard was snickering at me, and I would hit him later.

I grabbed Ray's hand for a second time and got back onto the couch. I blushed when I saw that Frank was sucking in his cheeks to hide a smile and my brother had his head in his lap, shaking with laughter.

Well, I guess I was this particular dorm's klutz.