Show Me the Way

Chapter 16: Please

I woke up to a smell that had me on my feet in seconds.

As I moved away from the bed, the smell faded. Then I remembered.

I sighed and laid down again, holding the pillow against my face. The cologne I'd sprayed on it last night was still strong. I squeezed my eyes shut and sighed again.

Ray was coming back tomorrow.

I'd been getting more and more desperate throughout the week. I missed him so much. He hadn't texted me this entire time, and that really worried me.

I didn't fall asleep again, and instead went out to get some coffee. Frank and Gerard were already awake, sat together on the couch.

Frank spoke, thinking I couldn't see him.

"Mikey's been so quiet lately," he said. Gerard paused. "Well, Frankie," he said, "Mikey is deaf."

Frank rolled his eyes. "No," he said. "I meant, like, anti-social." There was another pause. "I KNOW HE'S FUCKING DEAF, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!"

Gerard laughed. "I know," he said. "I get what you're saying. He hadn't talked to us since Monday. I think he's in withdrawl."

Duh.

"So... When Ray gets back tomorrow, we won't see him for another week?" Frank asked. Gerard shrugged. "It's possible. But they're happy. Let them have it."

Frank moved his hand to Gerard's thigh. "Well, I'm happy," he said. "When can I have it?"

I screamed internally and practically back into the bedroom. I sat the mug down on the side table and rolled onto my back on the bed. I threw my legs up into the air, rubbing my face roughly.

Why did it have to be Ray?

~

I felt the couch move, waking me up. I buried my face in my pillow. Gerard had made fun of me for it when he brought it to me, but I didn't care.

Someone, probably my brother, smacked my thighs. I grabbed the pillow and hit him with it.

He rolled his eyes, fixing his hair. "Ray's coming back today, remember?" he asked. My eyes widened.

I ran into the bedroom and put the clothes of Ray's that I'd worn during the week into a clean pile in the corner. I could sneak them out to wash them later.

When I was finished getting all of my frustration out, I trudged back out into the main area. I watched the door for about three hours.

I was about to get up and go to the bathroom, but then the door opened.

Ray was messing with his watch, which made it hard for me to attack him. When he finally looked up, I threw my arms around him. He wasn't expecting me, and we fell against the door heavily.

I buried my head in his soft shirt. The scent of fabric softener was strong, completely overpowering the cologne. He'd left it here, so he didn't smell like himself. I was going to put some on him if he didn't.

When I finally stepped away from him, he kissed me gently and lugged his suitcase into the bedroom. I followed him, of course.

He sat down on the bed, burying his head in his hands. I sat down on my knees beside him. I started rubbing his back, and he looked at me. He looked rough. He was paler, and his eyes were red, puffy, tired.

"What's wrong?" I signed. He shook his head. "I missed you," he said. He wrapped his arms around me and we laid down together. I rested my head on his chest, slipping my arms around him.

I felt him kiss my head and smiled. We laid there until Gerard came to ask what we wanted for dinner. We told him we didn't care, and he said that they were going to call for pizza. We nodded, and I looked back at Ray. He was looking at the ground, holding onto the edge of the bed.

"Are you okay?" I signed, placing a hand on his thigh. He sighed and nodded. "I'm fine," he said. I leaned forward and kissed his cheek.

"If something's bothering you, you can tell me," I signed. "You know that, right?" He nodded. "Yeah," he said. "I... Yeah."

I kissed him again and stood up. He gave me a curious look. I held up a finger, and quickly went to the bathroom.

When I came back, Ray had his guitar situated in his lap, and he was playing. He was too absorbed in the music he was making to notice me. I sat down lightly across from him on the bed, and he looked up. He started to sit the guitar down, but I held out a hand to stop him.

"Can I watch you?" I signed. Ray hesitated. "Um... Yeah," he said. "Yeah, sure."

He went back to playing, and I watched his fingers dance quickly over the strings on the neck of the guitar. I thought about how beautiful it probably sounded. I wondered how fun it was to play guitar if so many people did it.

I sighed and stretched out on the bed, watching. Ray seemed to really like it. It seemed to make him feel better, too.

I felt the slightest pang of jealousy, then mentally slapped myself.

Really Mikey? You're jealous of a guitar? That's sad.

But it makes him happy! And... Do I not?

Shut up, of course you do. But it's been a week since he's played. Give him some time.

But I want to be with him!

Don't be clingy.

I felt something touch my leg and accidentally screamed. I blushed and covered my mouth.

Ray gave me a curious look. "What's the matter?" he asked. I pointed at my throat.

"Nah," Ray said, smiling slightly. "It was cute. Come on. There's dinner waiting."

Before I knew what was happening, Ray had picked me up and was carrying me out into the main area. I grinned, burying my face in his neck.

So he had missed me.

Maybe he just needed the guitar.

It was understandable.

Some things are just... therapeutic.