Show Me the Way

Chapter 9: I Won't Tell

I woke up with Gerard next to me. I didn't really care, though. It had gotten really cold last night, and I wasn't mean enough to make him sleep on the floor in negative temperatures.

I grinned and took my glasses off the side table. I put them on before going downstairs for some breakfast.

My mom was already up. "Good morning, love," she signed. I hugged her. She had learned sign language with us. Her and dad learned together.

Ray came into the kitchen next. I waved at him to say hello. He grinned at me, patting his wild hair down. Shit. I was going to do it for him.

I wanted to touch it more every day. It was becoming a creepy obsession.

I wanted to ask if he was hungry, but I couldn't write or sign to him at the moment. I decided to gesture to the cabinets instead.

Ray shook his head, his hair bobbing around. "Thanks, though," he said. I nodded.

I motioned for him to come with me. He followed me into the living room, and we sat down on the couch. It was then I realized what situation I'd put him in. We weren't able to communicate, but we were sitting on the couch together. I was going to feel really bad if it made him feel awkward.

Then, like a superhero, Gerard came into the room with a mug in his hand. I held my hands out for it, and he rolled his eyes before handing it over.

I gave him a big, cheeky smile, which made him roll his eyes again. I gave him back the cup and stood up to get my own.

When I came back into the living room, Gerard was inches away from Ray's face. I clenched my jaw, trying not to make a sound.

Gerard saw me and blushed, ducking his head to sip his drink. I glared at him and went to sit on the other side of Ray, who looked embarrassed.

I didn't sit down before smacking my brother's head. His head jolted, almost spilling his coffee, and we shot each other dirty looks.

"What were you talking about that you were so close together?" I signed. My movements were sharp and quick.

"Nothing," Gerard muttered, taking another drink. "Don't worry about it."

I could've punched him.

~

I bent over to pick the shirt up off the ground. I shook it out and inspected it. It wasn't mine, and I was ninety percent sure I'd never seen it when I stole something from Gerard's closet.

It couldn't have been Ray's either, because he hadn't stepped foot in this room before...

I shrugged it off, thinking that maybe it was Frank's, and turned around to find Ray standing there.

I jumped, biting my tongue. I rubbed my jaw as Ray apologized.

"I didn't mean to scare you," he said. "I just can't really get your attention without it being weird when you're bent over..." I smiled and nodded. That was true. I'd done it before and ended up dry-humping Pete by accident.

"I just..." Ray seemed really uncomfortable. I picked up my whiteboard off the side table and wrote, "Is something wrong?"

"No," Ray said. "Well, kind of. It's just that... Gerard... he told me something this morning."

I was really going to stab him this time.

"What'd he say?" I wrote.

"He... he told me you were gay."

I nearly cried out with joy. I thought he'd gone and told Ray I liked him or something!

"Yeah," I wrote. "That's true. Is that okay with you?"

Ray nodded. "Oh, yeah," he said. "I don't have a problem with it. I mean, Frank and Gerard, right?" I grinned and nodded.

"He... he also told me something else."

I screamed internally.

"He, uh... he said you had a thing for me. Is that true?"

I sunk away from him. I knew I looked vulnerable, intimidated, embarrassed. And that was exactly how I felt.

I signed out, "Sorry." I pushed past him and raced down the steps. I grabbed Gerard's keys, even though I knew they didn't like me to drive. Hell, it was a small town. I'd be fine.

I drove to one of the small Starbucks cafes in town. I walked up to the counter, having written my order in the car before I came in. I handed the barista the note and she gave me a strange look. I pointed at my throat and she nodded.

I would always lie about being deaf in situations where it didn't matter.

I watched them carefully, waiting for them to call out my drink.

I grabbed a coffee stirrer when they did, then took it to the back booth where I always sat. I moved so that I was curled up in the corner. No one would see me if they walked inside.

I took the top off of the coffee cup and began stirring aimlessly. I was just waiting for it to cool down a bit, I guess.

I felt the tears pricking at my eyes. How could Gerard do that to me? God, he was such an ass sometimes! He knew that the entire rest of the year would be awkward now. Why would he do it?

I felt the warm, salty tears rolling down my cheeks and bit my lip to keep silent. I wiped them away gingerly, not wanting to roughen my skin too much.

I sat there for what felt like hours. Hell, maybe it was.

I didn't know.

I sure as hell didn't care.

I might have fallen asleep.

But then Ray showed up.