Perfect Now [l.t]

Apologies ⛅️

JAYS POV
Another guttural sob echoed around the room. All eyes were on me and yet I still couldn't stop crying. I felt Louis' hand rubbing circles through my shirt at the bottom of my back.
"Jay, please tell me what's wrong."
I shook my head, trying to calm my sobs. Deep breath in , deep breath out.
"Jay, please. I hate seeing you cry." His voice broke at the end, causing me to turn to him and see his eyebrows knitted together coupled with a grimace upon his face. This, more than anything, encouraged me to try and control the heavy flow of tears.

After a minute or two, the crying finally ceased to a halt. Louis took my face in his and looked into my eyes. His face was slightly blurry due to the remnants of tears surrounding my eyes. "Can you tell me what's wrong now?"
"I-I-" I took another deep breath and lifted a hand to wipe away the last tears so I could finally see clearly again. "Ca-Can we talk somewhere?"
"Of course." He looked at me expectantly.
"I meant, a-alone."
"Oh right, yeah sure, come this way." He took my hand and led me into what must've been Liams bedroom. He sat down on the bed and gently pulled me down next to him.
"I'm ready when you are, love."
"Okay," Another deep breath. "I don't know exactly why I started crying to be honest with you, it's hard to pinpoint the exact reason."
"Could you try?" His thumb caresses mine.
I nod. "Seeing Esme... it just hurt me all over again. Just when I thought I was over it, seeing her just bought all the emotions spiralling back to me and it was too much. An-and then I was thinking about why she was here and realised you probably had something to do with it, which made me upset even more, I know it's not your fault, you must've thought you'd be helping me, which you are, to a certain extent. But I just wasn't prepared. It's also just the pain of seeing her after everything which just made me miss her, which of course set all the other emotions off. Again. I don't know if there's a valid reason as to why that all made me so upset but that's how I feel, I guess."
Louis blinks a few times, absorbing everything I just told him before pulling me in for a hug. He places his head on top of mine and murmurs into my hair. "I'm sorry, I should've just told you. I was just trying to make it better for you, because I knew it was making you miserable not talking to her, so I thought I'd try and set it up between the three of you."
"I know. It's not your fault I can't control my emotions."
"No one can truly control their emotions, at some point everyone loses control. Trust me." His slightly rough fingers run down my back, making me shiver. "Oh, are you cold?"
I giggle at his misinterpretation. "No, I'm not." But he shakes his head and stands up pulling me into another room nearby. He drops my hand and begins rifling through the pile of coats and bags. "Ah here it is." He walks over and hands me a green Adidas hoodie. "Put this on."
I'm about to protest but he looks concerned so I put it on, even if it's just to please him. I inhale as I put it on and sigh with content. His scent envelops me and somehow makes me feel calmer. "Thank you." I whisper.
He smiles and shrugs. "No biggie."
Picking up my hand once more, he slowly begins walking back towards the living room. "Are you ready to go back in?"
I nod and take a shaky breath.

It's oddly silent as we walk closer to the room, aside from the occasional few words and laughs, mostly from Niall. Just as we're about to open the door May bursts out. "There you are! I was just about to come find you. The others told me to stay put but I'd had enough of staying put. But that's not important. Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm okay."
May gives me a disbelieving look but leads the way back to the room anyway.

As I enter, all eyes are on me once again, almost as if they're waiting for me to snap.
May tuts. "Guys you're not at a zoo. Or a battleground. She won't explode like a lion or grenade. Jesus."
I sense the eyes turn away two by two until only one set remains. Esmes. I meet her gaze and she gives a hesitant smile before standing up and slowly making her way towards me. She stops a few steps away and looks at the ground, obviously uncomfortable.