Missing You XxJushiro Ukitake x Reader (Bleach)xxx

Frustrated

As one of the captains of soul society, Ukitake Jushiro experienced many things in his long life, but to give a Ryoka a substitute soul reaper patch was something new. In the past few days the whole story about Rukia's rescue made Jushiro really stressed. He felt relieved to see that things ended well and that Rukia had such great friends of the human world.

The world of the living.....

Holding his breath for a moment he tried to hide his nervousness. Since he heard the news about Ichigo, he couldn't think clear anymore.

"Should I?... Should I ask him? Maybe this is the last chance I get..", Jushiro thought frustrated, balling his fists to control himself.

"Is something wrong?", Ichigo asked worried and gave the stressed man beside him a confused look. Caught in his thoughts, Jushiro glanced back to the other captains, which luckily weren't paying attention. Only his close friend Shunsui was raising his bushy eyebrows at Jushiro's uneasy behavior.

"Ichigo... Is it possible to speak with you for a moment in private... I know you are on your way home. It's only for a moment. Please..", Jushiro asked hopefully and was relieved to see that Ichigo agreed without any further words. He already caused some attention with his unusual troubled expression.
A few steps away from the others the new announced soul reaper substitute waited patiently for the kind captain to go on.

" I... How should I start.. ", Jushiro stuttered nervously, while his mind was racing of what to say.

" You told me that you trained with Kisuke Urahara, right?", he carefully started, avoiding the intense stare of the young boy, who raised his brows interested of what this was about.

"Yeah. An really annoying man, but unbelievable strong. What about it?", Ichigo asked clueless, while grumbling slightly of  the shopkeeper's training methods he had to endure back then.

"Okay well.. Was there maybe a woman with him. She is..", Jushiro spoke, sounding more like a whisper, while rubbing his neck nervously. It was really a struggle to say it. Even if he longed for information, it felt like every word was stuck in his throat. But soon he was interupted by a short knowing gasp.

"Oh, you mean (Y/N)? Definately! Yeah, she is living at Urahara's shop and works there. If you ask me, the only normal personal at this place.", he spoke cheerfully and the next moment was pulled closer by Jushiro's sudden grasp. 

"So you have met her? Is she alright? Is she..", Jushiro blurted out excited, but was pushed back by Ichigo to get some space between them. Quickly apologizing, Jushiro stepped back slightly, while letting out a deep sigh.

"Geez... Calm down. What's this about. Is she your wife or something?", Ichigo asked irritated, but fell silent, after he saw the determined look on Ukitake's face. He knew by talks that this man was known to be quite cheerful, supporting and kind, but at this very moment all he could see was a broken soul.

"Sorry for going too far.. Is she? She is very beautiful and kind..so congrats..", Ichigo spoke stressed or more helplessly. Chuckling bitterly Ukitake brushed through his white locks to calm down. To act so rude and straightforward wasn't his intention. But still. He couldn't hold back his emotions.

"Don't mind it..i have to apologize for my acting...", he started with a kind smile, which soon turned sadly. "No..She..she isn't my wife..", he whispered, the pain clearly shown in his expression, while avoiding the young boy's uneasy look.

"I.. You see... It's quite complicated. Thank you for your time. And please don't say something to anybody. Especially to her. I am relieved that she is safe and sound...That's all i wanted to know..", Jushiro spoke shortly and left Ichigo's surprised self without another word or explanation. Jushiro couldn't take it anymore. His mind slowly drifted off to the clouds, while leaving everything behind. Frustrated and broken inside, like ever so often, he just wanted to be alone. Reaching his chambers to calm down and take some rest. To fall asleep and stop thinking about his past. Those painful memories.

"I wanted to know... And now I am more frustrated than before...", he whispered desperately, grabbing the fabric of his yukata to at least control his shaking hands.

"Why? Why didn't you come back..after all...", he shouted out and fell to his knees helplessly.

"Why...were you able to forget me?..cut..cut the lines?...."

"Rough day Ukitake?", the sound of Shunsui's voice echoed through the short silence and let Jushiro 's body stiffen immediately.
Quickly regaining his composure, Jushiro was aware that his attemps sure were useless. But still his body moved automatically. Trained to be successful in hiding like ever so often.

"Yeah.. the whole incident with Rukia was a bit too much.. Don't worry. I just need some rest..", he spoke with one of his kind smiles, helplessly trying to hide behind a mask.

Sighing, Shunsui took a seat next to him, remaining silent for a moment. Avoiding his friend's presence, Jushiro looked up after the sound of glas reached his ears. Not really surprised he was met with a cup of sake and his friend, who stared seriously into his pained expression.

"Drink"

Knowing that this time there was no escape, he took it without to argue any further and drank it in one gulp. Maybe it would help. Maybe it would ease the pain. Have a drink and it would get better.

"and now Jushiro the truth please."

Chuckling bitterly, Jushiro's look wandered along his garden with all kinds of beautiful flowers. Peaceful and at ease.

Never would it get better.

"Yeah my friend.. I think it's time to tell you..I kept this secret for too long.", he whispered exhausted, while giving his stunned friend a short glance.

"It's about (Y/N)...", Jushiro started, ignoring the short surprised gasp beside him.  Scratching his head in surprise, Shunsui thought intensively about past memories connected with this woman.

"You mean the former beautiful healer from squad 4? What a sight to see... It's been a while since I've seen her...what about her?", Shunsui asked while drinking another cup.

"Yeah... Hundred years....", Jushiro took another drink and prepared himself to tell him everything. His secret, which he kept all those years locked away in his heart. The story of meeting the woman, the love of his life.

The story how his heart was terribly broken and seemed to never would be able to recover..