I Will Never Leave You || A Ponyboy Curtis Fanfic

Is it my Fault?

A/N
Hey guys. Change of plans. I know I promised smut in this chapter, but I think it's too early. Claire is only 13. But I promise there will be smut really soon. This chapter is about Claire cutting and harming herself. I know that this is a serious topic and many people do it. Sometimes I get really upset and think about that. But I can't. Please if any of you do this, you can come talk to me. It's a serious matter. Thank you. Now let's start the chapter.

Claire's POV
Now that Christmas and New Years are over, I can get back to my cutting. I usually don't cut during holidays because that's a happy time and I wouldn't want to ruin that anyway. Now I'm at the Curtis house and I sleep next to Ponyboy again since we made up. I'm home by myself. The guys left about 20 minutes ago so I'm safe. They went to the dingo and I made sure they didn't forget anything. It's 8:30 now and I know they won't be back until later. I took out my switchblade and made sure there was nobody here or looking from windows. I kept a rag next to me in case. I opened the switch. And I cut, and I cut until I saw the blood rushing from my wrists and thighs. I couldn't help it. It was very addicting. I didn't realize how much time has passed. I only made a few cuts, though. It was 10:00 now. I started cleaning myself up. I even let a few tears slipped. And that's when the door swung open. I hid the blade under the bloody rag. "Hey Claire. What's up with the blood? Kill someone?" Soda asked and started laughing. But I wasn't laughing. This was serious. Two Bit sat next to me and took the rag off. They saw everything. My cuts and the bloody switchblade. I couldn't help it. I took off to the bathroom and locked myself in there. The only reason I started cutting was because of dally leaving me and my parents death but I would never tell them the dally part. "Hey Claire, please come out. We need to talk about this." Darry said. I was sobbing and my legs and arms were still bleeding. This has been going on for 1 year and a half now. "No. I can't. I don't want you to see me like this." I said. What would they think? They would think I'm crazy. What about Ponyboy? He would break up with me. "It's ok Claire. Please come out. Let's just talk about it." Darry said. I opened the door and sat down in the kitchen. I looked at everyone. Ponyboy was crying. I did a double take. He was crying?? "Go ahead. Say it. Say I'm crazy and say that I'm just weak. That's why I cut. Because I can't handle myself. Go ahead. I don't care." I said still crying. "Claire, you are not weak. Why are you doing this to yourself? Why? Is it because of me? I bet it is. Probably because I'm such a bad boyfriend." Ponyboy said. I felt really guilty because he thought that. "No Ponyboy, it's not that. You're amazing. It's just I miss my parents, but mostly my brother and I can't stand not seeing them anymore. But I have you guys now. And you guys are all like my brothers." I said. "Claire, please don't do this. You're to precious and amazing. You're only hurting yourself. I love you. Please stop. I'll help you. I promise." Ponyboy said. He kisses my cheek. "Ya, Claire. Don't. Now let's get you cleaned up. And I feel like it's my fault too for some reason." dally said. "No dally don't say that, please. It's not your fault." I assured him. We went to the kitchen and Darry cleaned me. I would stop cutting. For them.

A/N
Hey guys. Writing this chapter made me emotional because many people out their cut. So please don't. I know saying it isn't helping but honestly. People out their care about you so please don't cut. Thank you and I love you all.
Xoxo stay gold💛
~Lara