Set Me Free (Min Yoongi X BTS)

Chapter Fourteen -The Reckoning

When I get to the hotel, I call the airline in order to change my flight. Thankfully, there is a seat available in two days.

I spend the rest of the day and the next day in a daze. I go back and forth between feeling numb and letting my feelings out in fits of crying. I try to fill the time with sightseeing, but my mind is constantly on recent events. I worry that I am not going to get over these feelings.

Being ARMY had been a part of my life for awhile, but I never for a second believed that I would meet and get to know the members of BTS. Especially the way I got to know Yunki. How am I going to move forward from this? Stop listening to kpop?

What I am definitely not going to do is tell anyone about this. The members of BTS have kept their private lives secret for a reason. I believe that they trusted me with sharing themselves with me and despite everything, I will hold myself to that trust.

I think about the mistakes I made. That morning when Jin came into Yunki's room, I was surprised by him and my own lack of resistance. The passion, life and magnetism of these men is overwhelming. I was not prepared for it, despite having some idea about what they would be like. I have watched them over the years. But before it was one sided. The difference became when not only did I see them, they saw me. They became interested in me. Especially four of them. And of those four, one very special man.

Yunki's intelligence, sense of humour, talent and swag always fascinated me when I saw him from afar.  When I was with him, I could not believe that a man like that would be interested in me for one night...let alone for more than a day. And fall for me?

Our relationship, however brief, was everything I always wanted. I experienced both excitement and ease, both passion and friendship with him. I was afraid to think that I would have that for more than the time I was to be in Seoul, which was supposed to be a month. But I didn't think our time together would be cut so short.

I wish I didn't take the risks that I did with Jin and Hobi. Luckily I was able to hold myself back from Tae. Fortunately both Tae and Hobi respected me enough not to do too much damage. It was Jin, just trying to take what he wanted. And then being a jerk about it when he didn't get his way. I can't believe I was so easily under Jin's spell even for a short time.

But in the end Yunki believed that I had a threesome with Hobi and Jimin....and then I was out all night with Tae. So he probably made some assumptions about that night too. No wonder I was sent packing.

I try to tell myself what happened happened, I can't go back and change it nor should I beat myself up about it. I can't help what happened with Jin. Hobi and Tae will probably sort things out with Yunki. But given what happened on that boat, things will not be sorted out where Jin is concerned.

I didn't even get the chance to try to fix it myself. I didn't even get the chance to talk to Yunki. I could have explained to him about my trust issues, how I didn't really know how he felt, I couldn't believe how he felt,  I didn't know how I felt, and I was afraid to feel too much. And how confusing this whole experience has been, especially when being a little starstruck was in the mix.

Oh Yunki, how my heart hurts....I wish I could tell you how sorry I am. I wish I could tell you....

I wish we could have had a conversation about how we feel about each other. About where we saw this going. Why we didn't when we had the chance....I can only blame myself.

I tried to put up a wall to protect myself from the very hurt I am now feeling.

***

My last night in Seoul. I treat myself to some sushi. It's the first time I had sushi since the time I went to the restaurant with Yunki. But instead of going to a restaurant, I get takeout and bring it to my hotel. Then I start organizing and packing up my things. My flight leaves early in the morning.