Shadow

40

-Denice's Pov-

His words stung and it was just a little bit over a week since I last seen him. We had Dani's memorial, my sister gave a beautiful speech. But I tried so hard to distract myself the past few days and try not think about it but how can I when it's eating me on the inside out? I thought seeing him and confessing my feelings about Reid would mean something and I'd never want to get back with Carter but why am I over thinking it again. Why am I sitting here in the library alone, lost in my thoughts, letting it eat me alive? I meant the words to my sister when she asked me about Carter right? Didn't I? It felt good to admit it but why did it keep me awake at nighttime that night? I was so confused with my feelings I didn't know what was true anymore. I had to go talk to someone else other than the girls about the way I feel and I knew the person I was going to hunt down and help me figure it all out.

I found him working out in the gym and since he was alone it was good timing. He looked up at me from doing push-ups and smiled stopping himself and stood up to wipe his face with the face cloth that was next to him. "Hi you, what's up?" He smiled. As I approached him I sat on the floor criss crossing my legs while he looked down at me confusedly. "I need to talk about something and I think you can help me out. Is it bad timing?" I asked him. He looked around the gym and nodded his head no and sat down on the floor in front of me. He drank a big gulp of water and poured some over his head a little while I watched. "I'm going to use my shield to block nosy people out so nobody can hear what I got to say and I'm not sure how long this talk will be." I giggled putting a strand of hair behind my ear. "I just got to go see Ray later but I've got time. Now tell me, what's wrong?"

As you can see, I came to see Jake. He was my first friend here when we were fledglings, and there is something about him that makes him different. He gives amazing advice, and he's straight up about it. If it hurts you, it's the truth. My friendship with Jake was a bit confusing in the beginning because we did share a moment before but I couldn't bring myself to move past the friendship zone. "It's about Carter. I'm sure Ray filled you in on what he said to me the other day about how I changed and I'm not the person who I was before?" I asked him. Jake nodded his head. "Carter told me actually, but he's somewhat right Denice. You see if you stand in a mirror and look deeply at yourself, it's not the Denice I grew to know. Her hair is cut short, it's lighter, her actions have changed and she's been more uptight to be honest," he teases while I lean forward and playfully shove him telling him to shut up but we both know it was true. I know it is. "But in all seriousness, if you're confused about the way you feel about him then tell me. Reid is not here anymore, he's gone. He was you're distraction cause you were going through a heart break and you targeted Reid to try and get over a broken heart but I know a part of you doesn't want to let go of Carter and you got to tell me why so I can help you through this and maybe after this chat, you'll figure it all out and tell Carter how you truly feel instead of leading him on like this." He ranted. I let his words sink in and thought about it deeply. I wasn't sure how long we sat in silence but Jake was patient with it. He knew this is what I needed, and Reid being gone and seeing Carter after all these months, no wonder why I'm confused. I brought this upon myself and only I can fix that.

"Sometimes I try to think of what my life would be like if I never ran into Carter in the woods the first year I got here. What I would be like or what I'd do with my days. It's so hard because so much of who I am now is due to him to be honest, he's challenged me, inspired me, encouraged me, even supported me. And it's because of all that, I am the person I am today because of Carter." I confessed looking up at Jake to see his reaction and I couldn't tell what he was thinking, he just nodded his head like some therapist. Was he going to ask me what I feel about it? Or just sit there and think of my confession. "Okay and why does Carter have this role upon you? Why him of all people. You didn't know how things would be with Reid because you never tried. Or even with Ethan remember him?" I started to laughing hiding my face in my hands. I totally forgot about that guy. Ethan Price, was Jakes friend back at his hometown. He was with us for a year until his parents transferred him to a new place and that's why he didn't come back to Dusk Manor this year. Although we still text once in a while. "This ain't about my past flirtation-ships, this is about my feelings with Carter," I laugh making Jake laugh out loud.