Should I?

Visitor

POV: Catie

"Miss Cano, you have a visitor." A nurse peaked her head into my room. All of the other patients were in the 'lounge' area for Christmas, but this was my first one alone and I couldn't stomach a fake smile right now.

"Who?" I mumbled. No one knows I'm here.

Then she peaked her head in. "Me." Ally gave me a soft smile.

"A-ally?" I stuttered, not really believing that she was here on Christmas to see me, the girl who cheated on her twice.

"Yeah, it's me." Ally wore the smile I fell for and I felt everything all over again.

"I'll leave you two be." The nurse excused herself.

"Merry Christmas Scruffy." She walked over and awkwardly stood in the middle of the room. I was sotting on the edge of the bed, and they don't exactly give you a ton of furniture.

"Merry Christmas Ally." I got up and hugged her. As soon as she was in my arms I wanted to break down. Every emotion I've been keeping in wanted to escape, but I kept it bottled. Now is not the time for that.

"I couldn't go through the Christmas knowing that one of the people I care about spent it alone." She pulled away from the hug.

"You care about me?" I looked at her with a completely confused expression. "I've given you every reason not to."

"Your alcoholism has given me every reason not to. Not you." Ally corrected me.

My mouth open and closed as I searched for words that seemingly didn't exist to express how I felt and how astounded I was.

"I still care about you Catie. I wouldn't be here if I didn't. If there is one thing that I have learned through my relapse and healing and being healthy, it's that when someone isn't healthy they aren't truly themselves. I know if you weren't intoxicated that you wouldn't have cheated. I know that. I also know that..." she stopped herself.

"Know what?" I whispered, scared of what she has to say.

"I'll wait to tell you that one. When you're healthy I will." She gave me a sad smile.

"Wait, no no no. Please tell me." I begged her. "Please."

Ally nibbled on her lip as she contemplated on telling me or not.

"Please." I whispered once more.

"I also know that," she took a deep breath before continuing. "I also know that I still love you." Her gaze drifted to her feet. "I had tried so hard to fall out of love with you. I had convinced myself that I did, but that was more of me being in denial and having too many things on my plate to accept that I still loved and still do love you."

My heart that once had dropped went right back into place. "I still love you too, Ally." Tears started to stream down my cheeks.

"Once you are out of here and back on your feet I would like to actually take things slow this time. Go on real dates as if we were just starting out all over again. No, I don't mean ask the same questions that you asked to get to know me. I mean to just be us. The healthy us. I don't want to lose you, Catie, but I also don't want to be hurt again." She started to choke up as she pulled her gaze back up to me.

"I will do anything it takes to get back with you. If you want to go slow I'll go slow. If you want to go on cheesy dates we will go on cheesy dates. You name it and I will make it happen." I wanted to jump up and down like a kid at Christmas, because in this moment I pretty much was. Well, aside from the fact that I'm eighteen.

"When you get out give me a call. I've unblocked your number. The front desk has already checked this, so Merry Christmas, Scruffy. Don't open it till I'm gone though." She reached into her sweatshirt pocket and pulled out a small rectangular box.

"Thank you Ally. Really." I started to cry even more and pulled her into a hug.

"Your mom called me today to wish me a Merry Christmas. She asked me where you have been if I knew. I told her that you would call her, but that you were safe and making the best decisions you've made in awhile."

"I have no idea what I'd do without you." At this point I was sobbing even when I tried to stop myself.

Ally only responded by hugging me tighter.

Once I had calmed down she pulled away from the hug and checked the time on her phone.

"I've got to go, but not because I want to." She hugged me one more time before turning to go out of my door. Then she turned back around and stood on the tips of her toes to kiss me on the cheek. "Merry Christmas Catie."

"Merry Christmas Ally." I watched her leave before sitting on my bed and debating on opening up the present or not. I knew I wanted to, but I was scared of what was inside. But I knew it would eat at me until I finally knew. Why would she ask me to open it when she left?

When my fingers slowly fiddled with the perfect bow on the top the ribbon fell right off into my hands.

"Of course she tied a perfect bow." I silently chuckled to myself.

My hands shook as I took the lid off of the box and revealed its contents.

A piece of my broken glove from when Ally threw a pitch as hard as she could at me and I caught it a smidge incorrectly at one of our college practices, but it had our initials engraved on it in small letters and small clasps on each end. It was after I had cheated when this happened. She kept it...

When the lid turned in my hand I caught a glimpse of writing on the back of it, so I turned it upside down to read her hand writing.

This is from the day I was so mad at you I was shaking, but I was also mad at myself for still loving you. I can't help the feelings I have for you, and I definitely can't help the smile my heart has when I see you. Merry Christmas Scruffy.

Love,
Ally

I was sobbing again, but this time a nurse peaked her head in. All I could do was give her a thumbs up and she reluctantly walked away.

"How do you do this, Ally?" I looked up at the ceiling. "How do you make me feel like this?"

I fastened the thin strip of leather around my wrist and then leaned back onto my bed with my legs still hanging off of the edge.

"Oh what you do to me Ally."