the sweater ~~ jily

17.

Chapter Seventeen: James Healing

James had missed the Snitch.

Lily's heart dropped. The announcer had just announced Slytherin's victory as the Slytherin Seeker had caught the Snitch. Lily couldn't see James, but the rest of Gryffindor looked down. The Slytherins celebrated happily. 

Lily turned to Sirius. "Pads, Pads."

"What?" said Sirius.

"Where's James?"

"I dunno, I can't see him." Sirius shrugged. "Why, what happened?"

"Did you not see that? He fell off of his broom, you blind idiot. Where is he?" asked Lily worriedly. She got up from the bleachers just as everyone else was starting to. Lily rushed down.

"No, oh no," she muttered to herself. She had to shove a couple of students out of her way. "This is not good."

Lily couldn't fight over the students. She decided to follow with the rest of the Gryffindors back to the common room. She walked with them.

Lily had found Marlene in the crowd of people. "Marlene, oh my god. Hi."

Marlene looked at her worriedly. "Hi, Lily, are you doing okay? You don't seem very...calm."

"No, no, I'm fine," she said, still looking over the heads of other people to rush to the common room. "I'm just trying to find James. He fell really badly."

"It wasn't as bad as it looked," said Marlene, trying to calm Lily down. "He only fell about two feet off the ground. The worst he could get would be a bruise."

Lily calmed a bit. It took her forever to get to Gryffindor's portrait. The portrait to the portrait hole was already open and Lily rushed inside. All the Gryffindors stayed in the common room. "Thanks, Marlene. Give me a second, I don't know if James is here."

"Yeah, okay. Nice sweater by the way."

Lily couldn't concentrate. "Yeah, yeah, thanks."

She shoved her way through other people. She looked under the stairs.

There someone was, all the way to the corner nearest to the window. They faced away from the others and covered their face in their hands.

"Hello?" whispered Lily softly. The person turned around, and to her relief, it was James.

"Lily? Is that you?" he asked, wiping his face as quick as he could.

"Yeah, it is. Just me, I don't know where the rest of them are. Can I join you?" she asked him calmly. James nodded.

Lily crawled in and sat next to him. "Are you okay?" she asked softly.

James closed his eyes. "Yes."

"Are you sure?"

He bit the inside of his cheek trying to hold back tears, but couldn't. "No," he rephrased. "I can't pretend. I'm sorry."

Lily sat up and wrapped her arms around him tightly, letting him cry. His head buried into her neck as he sobbed softly. Lily kept her arms around him and didn't let go.

"I screwed up, I lost my balance, I'm sorry, I looked like an idiot out there," he whispered with his arms around her backside. "I couldn't see it and I lost balance."

"James, shush, it's okay. It's okay, you don't need to apologize," she reassured him.

"I made Gryffindor look weak, Lily. People must hate me," James cried.

"No, they don't. It's just a small mistake, James. You'll be okay," Lily whispered softly.

James sniffled. "I, I feel like an idiot. I'm sorry you have to see me like this."

Lily ran her fingers through his hair. "I'm sorry you feel that way. You're not an idiot, and James, I'm always going to be here for you. It doesn't matter how you feel or act like, I'm always going to be here for you. No matter what. You don't have to hold anything in, okay?"

"I hate myself, I had one job and I screwed it up!" he told her. "I was so close, Lily. So close."

She hugged him a little tighter. "I know you were. Please don't hate yourself, James. You did so well, believe me."

"Are you sure you're not only saying that because you feel bad for me?"

"Of course not," Lily hesitated. "I'm saying so because you did well. You're amazing at Quidditch, okay? And I like that about you. You're determined."

"I like you," he muttered quietly. Lily didn't quite hear him.

"What?"

"I like you. I'm sorry, I can't hide it from you anymore. I'm just so tired and I have nothing else," he said. Lily's stomach did a somersault. "I think you knew that already."

Lily let him rest his head on her shoulder. She sat back against the wall and held his hand comfortingly. "I did know, to be honest. Sirius."

James chuckled softly. "Of course he had to tell you."

"Yeah, not to mention you slipped an 'I love you' when you had to leave for the full moon," Lily laughed.

His eyes widened and he sat up. "I did?" Lily nodded. "Shit, I'm so sorry. I didn't realize, I was in a rush —."

"Shut up, will you? It's okay. You don't have to worry about any of that. Everything is fine," Lily told him. "You need to rest, okay? Today was a lot."

James rested his head on her lap tiredly. Lily stroke his hair. 

"Thanks, Evans," he muttered.

"Oi, what's going on over here?" said Sirius peeking in. Both James and Lily gave him the middle finger before he raised his arms in defeat. 

Lily sat there for what felt like hours. All the other Gryffindors had went to their dormitories already and her leg had fallen asleep, but she didn't want to bother James.

And why was that? Did she also like him back? Or was this a normal thing to feel about a friend? She never felt it for Sirius, Remus, or Peter. She'd gladly wake them up if they were in James's situation. But there was that...feeling. The unexplainable feeling. 

But for now, all she could do was let James sleep before she could figure it out. Her eyes started drooping as well. 

a/n

poor james :(
this chapter (including author's note) is 1,010 words
thanks for reading!

~the sweater