the sweater ~~ jily

23.

Chapter Twenty-Three: Hurt

Lily found James at the end of the hall, a little more relieved to find him so easily. She began to pick up her pace and run to him, but she had noticed something. Something off.

James's face was filled with sadness, the thing Lily wanted least. He looked at the floor without a trace of a single smile. Lily approached him, noticing his slightly wet eyes.

"James?" she muttered.

Lily's heart dropped. Did he find out? Did someone hurt him? Did something go wrong?

"James, what happened?" she asked him desperately. "Please talk to me."

He didn't do that, he did the complete opposite. James walked forward, acting as if she wasn't there. He wiped his face of what could have been a tear.

James had definitely found out. If something else had happened, he would've talked to her. Now, her being the reason of his pain, she lost his trust. The thought of this made Lily feel terrible. The one thing she didn't want had happened.

She really should have listened to Remus; if she had listened, none of this would happen. It hurt Lily to know she was the reason for James's pain.

"What happened?" Lily began to follow him. "Talk to me, please?"

James continuously ignored her, walking forward. Lily felt horrible. She could've cried right there, but it didn't feel it was right to. She deserved the pain she felt, Lily hurt him.

But it could've been something else he could've been upset with. If he was ignoring her, he wouldn't ignore the rest of his friends, would he?

Just as she thought of it, Sirius was at the corner of the hall with Remus. Both seemed to be laughing. Lily ran up to them.

"Lily? What happened?" asked Remus immediately. Sirius raised an eyebrow.

She sighed deeply. "He found out. Without me personally telling him. He's ignoring me now."

Remus's eyes widened, but Sirius stayed confused. "What, found out what? Why is he ignoring you?" Sirius asked. Lily shook her head, although really feeling like crying.

"Why didn't you tell him earlier?" Remus asked.

"I didn't! I didn't want to, okay? I didn't want to hurt him and that's just what I did. I know I made a mistake and I want to take it back, but does it look like I can? No!" exasperated Lily.

"Lily, shush." Remus grabbed her slightly by the shoulders. "You can fix this. He, he loves you. He's not going to give up on you any time soon. Apologize, that's all I can say. This time, follow my advice."

She panicked. "What if I'm wrong, what if he's hurt by something else? I could've lost his trust already —."

"Lily, shut your fucking mouth and listen." said Sirius. He didn't seem to know what was happening, but tried to be wise. "I'm going to need you to stop overthinking for a minute. Please."

She began to calm down a little.

"Whatever you're talking about, it's probably not what he could be upset."

"You don't get it, Sirius. You don't understand." Sirius raised an eyebrow at her. "I, I kissed him to scare off some Slytherins and he just found out I think and there's nothing I can do to regain his trust."

Sirius's face lit up for one moment until it sank in, she kissed him for a bad reason. She played with his feelings. "You really, oh my god."

"I know, I know it's messed up. I didn't think straight at the time," Lily said. "I really wish I didn't."

"He must be really hurt..." he muttered.

"Way to make her feel better, Pads." said Remus sarcastically.

"She's not the victim here," said Sirius.

"I'm not. I feel bad, I should feel bad. I hate seeing him hurt like that, especially because it's my fault," she said worriedly.

Sirius hesitated. "I could always ask him if he's angry at you, which he probably is."

"I don't think he'd be angry, I think he'd just be upset," whispered Remus. "He really likes her, he can't become angry at her. Maybe upset, but not angry."

Lily felt a little more relieved, she probably couldn't handle James angry at her.

"Just try to talk to him," said Remus. "Maybe he'll talk to you. You have to apologize to him, that's something you really need to do."

"And don't do anything I wouldn't do — anything I would do," said Sirius. Remus gave Sirius a serious look, causing him to raise his arms in surrender. "Sorry, we're being serious right now."

Remus shoved his arm.

"I can try. I don't know if he'd listen to me, though, since he doesn't trust me anymore," she said honestly.

"You have to follow the advice I've given you, Lils. You have to," said Remus, nodding at her.

"I swear I will," Lily muttered.

a/n

this chapter might not be as good since I am currently typing this in the car on my phone
this chapter (including author's note) is 845 words
thanks for reading!

~the sweater