the sweater ~~ jily

18.

Chapter Eighteen: A Talk With Remus

Lily couldn't sleep at all, just sitting up. James was completely asleep, his little breaths being the only sound. She kissed his head. She slowly took off his sweater and wrapped it around him like a blanket. Lily was cold now, but that didn't have to matter. James needed sleep and she wanted to do anything in her right mind to keep him that way.

Lily heard footsteps from above them. Someone was going down the stairs. It was someone from the Boy's Dormitory, but Lily didn't mind it. If someone were to go down, they wouldn't be able to see James and Lily. If they did, well, they could start spreading rumors. 

But that didn't matter at the moment. The person reached the bottom of the stairs. Lily stayed quiet and continuously stroked James's hair.

The person had walked to the entrance of under the stairs. "Hello?" said his voice.

It sounded familiar, Remus's voice.

"Remus?" whispered Lily.

"That's me," he said in his normal voice. Remus walked into the corner and sat next to Lily. "What're you doing here, it's one in the morning!"

"Shut up, I'm not the only one here," she whispered. She gestured to the peacefully sleeping James.

"Oops, sorry," he began to whisper. 

Lily hesitated. "Can I talk to you, please?" she whispered softly. "It's a bit personal, but I don't have anyone else to talk about with this."

"Yeah, what's it about?"

She sighed. "I don't know how I feel about James. It's...different. Something I've never felt before. Kind of like I'm sinking, but happy, or it's something I don't feel for normal friends. I've always thought it was because I've been spending a lot of time with him."

Remus shrugged. "I think I know what you're talking about. You might be surprised and I could be wrong, but is there a possible way you could like James?"

"I don't know, that's why I'm asking. I don't usually feel like this." She looked back at James with a small smile. He looked safe and painless.

"It could be love, Lily. I don't know, but I've seen a lot. I've seen how you worry about him. Like in the full moon, even at the Quidditch match. When he fell, you looked terrified. And look at you now, you're keeping him safe while taking away your own time to sleep. Would you do that for any of us?"

Lily shrugged. "To be honest, no. I would be a comforting friend, but I wouldn't do something like this. Maybe you're right?"

"It's how you feel. But I know for sure that he loves you. He'd do anything to keep you safe and unharmed, even if it meant he'd die. That's how he is, he's determined and loyal," Remus told her. Lily smiled. 

"He'd die for me?"

"Knowing him, probably yes." Lily was grateful. "But he's also sensitive. He tends to...hide his sadness. He doesn't let it out to any of us."

"He just did, he was crying a few hours ago," she said.

Remus smiled. "James trusts you. Don't break that trust, don't play with his feelings."

"I know, I said I wouldn't. Not after what he's been through. Or ever. It, let's say, kind of hurt when I saw him like that. Even during full moon, I got mad at him for making me scared. I don't want him to be in pain."

"That's another thing with love, Lily. You wouldn't want the other in pain. You just want him happy, right?" Remus asked.

"Of course." she said. Remus smirked at her as Lily rolled her eyes.

"You're still figuring it out, that's okay. You'll find it out, it'll take time."

Lily raised an eyebrow. "How do you know so much about this, then?"

Remus's eyes widened and he thinned his lips shyly. "I've felt it." Lily's eyes widened. "Don't say anything!"

"I know, I know. Just tell me, who is it?" she asked him enthusiastically. 

Remus rolled his eyes. "Sirius. Please don't tell him, I'd be dead if he figured it out. I'm not supposed to like my best friend."

"Ahem." Lily cleared her throat and gestured towards James.

"Yeah, but you guys are cute. That makes sense. But Sirius, I don't know, it's not going away," Remus told her honestly.

She raised an eyebrow.

He shrugged. "Yes, I like guys too if you're asking. I like both." 

"That's nice. And yes, I'm not telling anyone anything. One question..."

"Yeah?" Remus was playing with his fingers shyly.

"Were you and Sirius holding hands at James's game?" she whispered. Remus didn't answer, he kept his head down shyly. Lily gasped. "Is that a yes?"

Remus nodded slowly. "It was for a minute, I swear. Only a minute." Lily smirked at him. "Shove off, look at you!"

Lily kept stroking James's hair. 

"You've held his hand, you've worn his sweater, all those lovey dovey stuff," said Remus.

She rolled her eyes. "But anyways...do you think I'd like him?"

Remus thought about it hesitantly. "You see, I wouldn't be the expert about this, but I think it could be love. I'm not sure. I said you'll figure it out yourself."

Lily nodded.

"Are you going to sleep?"

In fact, Lily wasn't sure if she was going to sleep at all. She just wanted to keep James asleep. "Maybe not. You should, you have nothing else to do."

"True. Do you need anything else?" She shook her head. "Okay, good night, Lils."

Remus stood up and made his way up the stairs. His footsteps were a little more quieter this time. Lily looked back down at James who was still asleep. He tended to move a little. She kissed his head again.

"Lily?" said James's tired voice. "I'm awake now."

"Hey, go back to sleep. It's around one in the morning," said Lily, playing with his hair.

"Have you been awake this whole time?" he asked her tiredly, rubbing his eyes.

"N, No," Lily lied. "I've been asleep. Don't worry about me."

James sighed again, adjusting his position and sitting up. "You look tired."

"I am tired."

"Lily, you need sleep. Here, just lean on my shoulder," James told her, gesturing to his shoulder. Lily yawned tiredly. She didn't resist and rested her head on his shoulder. James's head rested on hers and Lily took his hand. James wrapped his Quidditch sweater around her.

They both were able to fall asleep that night, just in the tiny moonlit corner.

a/n

WISE REMUS WISE REMUS WISE REMUS
this chapter (including author's note) is 1,103 words
thanks for reading!!

~the sweater