Journey to the Depth of my Soul ✓

✦ memories

I still lie in bed, staring at the ceiling, asking myself, "Where did it go wrong?"

"Why did it have to end this way?" I wonder why I keep asking myself the same question when I know I'll never get an answer.

And even if I do get an answer, will it be worth the wait?

Maybe not. But then I hear her voice in the sound of the metro against the rail, and sometimes I feel her love in the first sip of coffee each morning.

Things would never have ended this way if it hadn't been for that fateful twilight by the lake. The nights that followed seemed more haunted than just nightmares, and today, I am all alone.

I remember how she insisted on that outing to the jungle. She said there was a lake that shone in shades of mystical purple when the moon set.

I still feel her hands in mine when I close my eyes and sit in the rocking chair by the fireplace. I envision her walking to the lake and beckoning me, giggling like a teenager, drowning in love.

The lover inside me that she awakened now fears even the slightest feeling of love. He prefers to stick to the dark dungeons and hopes never to rise again, just like me.

She taught me everything — how to love, to trust, to live, to enjoy, to save, to care — but she forgot to teach me how to live without her. It's so true that it's not the person we miss, but the memories we shared.

The fact that she left me, not only me but her life as well. I fought with her the last time we met and by the time I realized my mistake, it was far too late. When I saw her again, she was lying on the ground, blood everywhere. A car had run over her. I lost her; I lost her soul.

The guilt still haunts me — it wouldn't have happened if I hadn't fought with her. This question revolves around my mind every time I think about her. Still in the memories.

© Saramitra

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Saramitra