I'm His Personal Assistant | 宋亚轩

16: Confession

I sighed heavily as my head rested on the palm of my head. I still feel troubled. Last night, Junlin and I talked about some things... specifically about me confessing what I'm feeling for Yaxuan.

Junlin's already aware about my feelings for Yaxuan, and he's actually such a trustworthy person. He ahsn't spilled the beans to anyone yet, not even to the other members. He always teases me whenever it's just the two of us, and because of it, we kind of became close.

Last night, he encouraged me to confess. I can't believe I'm going to confess to an idol I didn't know I like. I'm still confused, though. What if I really just idolize him so much? What if I just really find him attractive?

"Earth to Selin, are you there?"

I flinched and got my train of thoughts broken. "Huh?"

"You've been spacing out since this morning. Did you have breakfast?" Xiaying said. "Are you hungry? You're always hungry when you space out."

"No, and yes I had breakfast, silly." I smiled.

"But you were spacing out just now." She said and rested her chin on the chair she's sitting on. She's sitting across from me, using one of our classmates' desk. "Is it because of someone?"

Subconsciously, I flustered and slightly widened my eyes at her. 'Was I too obvious?'

"So you really are thinking of someone, huh?" She grinned.

"I'm not." I denied.

"Come on, stop denying the obvious. You're clearly distracted because of someone. I wonder who that is."

I pursed my lips and tried to sit properly. Could I tell her about it?

"You don't have to tell me." She suddenly said. "I- "

"How do you know if you like someone?"

My question caught her offguard. "Pardon?"

"How will you know if you truly like someone?"

"Haven't you liked someone before?"

Have I?

...

"You've been spacing out a lot today." Yaxuan commented as he took out something from his locker.

"Me?"

"Yeah, haven't seen you tripping around."

'... Should I be glad that he's observant of me or should I not?' I thought and felt my cheeks burn up. He notices my every move? "Gotta go, bye." I hurriedly said, fastening my pace towards the staircase while gripping hard onto the straps of my bag.

Should I really confess today?

How am I going to confess?

I don't know how to confess.

Should... should I confess now?

I stopped on my tracks and stared into nothingness. I mustered up the courage and took a deep breath before turning around, making my way upstairs again. I hid behind the wall that was just by the staircase and sneakily checked if he was still there.

Ah, he is. He's still there, leaning on his locker while checking his phone. I sensed him turning his head towards my direction so I quickly hid behind the wall. That got my heart beating so fast!

I took a deep breath and took a step but then I flinched in shock. I almost bumped into Yaxuan.

"You scared me!" He exclaimed. "I thought you had to go. Why are you suddenly coming back here?"

"Can we talk?" I flushed.

"Sure. What's it about?"

"Not here. Can we talk somewhere in private?"

"In private, hm?" He hummed and looked up with a hand on his chin to think. "I know a place. Let's go." He walked in front of me and I followed. We ended up standing behind a classroom, he turned around and faced me. "Is there something you wanna say?" He asked.

I gripped harder on my bag straps. "Uhh, yeah." I awkwardly chuckled.

"Oh? What is it?"

Well, here goes nothing.

"I... uhh, I like.. I like donuts."

"... That's cool." He chuckled. "Is that what you wanted to say? I'll buy you donuts sometime." He walked past me and patted my shoulder as he passed by me, while I just stood there in confusion.

Why did I say I like donuts at such a time like this?!

He was about to go but I turned around with my eyes shut and said, "I like you."

I felt him stop in his tracks. I bowed my head and continued. "Song Yaxuan, I like you. It may sound funny to you but this is really how I feel. You don't have to reciprocate these feelings for my sake. I just wanted to get this weight off my chest.

"At first I thought I only like you so much because you're my idol, but no. I've seen your flaws and imperfections. I accepted those, and it made me admire you even more. I don't like you as a fan. I don't like you because you're an idol. I like you because... because I like you, Yaxuan."

"Sorry." Yaxuan said in a low voice.

I shot my head up to look at him but he was facing his back at me. "No, it's fine! Like I said, you don't have to reci- "

"I like someone else."

"You... do?" My heart dropped. I felt a pang in my chest.

I told myself it doesn't matter if he rejects me. I expected him to reject me, but I didn't expect those words slipping out of his mouth. It hurts.

"Yes, I do."

"I see." I simply said, not trying to get teary-eyed. I don't even know why my tears were welling up. "She must be lucky. I'm rooting for the both of you."

I bet it's Shiwen.

I walked past him and went straight home. "Welcome home, dear." Mom greeted while focusing her eyes on her laptop screen.

"You're home so early."

"I didn't have any night shifts today so I thought I could finish some work at home."

"I see." I mumbled. "I'm gonna go to my room."

"You seem tired. Did something happen?" Mom asked.

"I'm just tired, that's all." I said as I forced a smile.

"Say, your dad's almost done with his work. Wanna go out and have dinner? Let's try out the food in that Japanese cuisine that just opened the other day."

"Sounds great. I'll just take a rest first."

"Rest well, my darling." She said. Mom stood up and hugged me before letting me go to my room.

As soon as I closed the door, I dropped my bag while walking towards my bed and flopped down on it.

"I like someone else."

Gosh, his voice kept ringing and ringing inside my head that it's going to drive me insane! I turned around, lying on my back this time and spread my arms as I sighed. "Someone, hm? I wonder who could that be. I knew this day would come... that my idol would fall for someone that's obviously not me."