A Complicated Heart

Why?

Why?

Stevie couldn’t believe how she had spoken to Stella this evening, she didn’t know what had come over her, Stella had said she was going to be their mother now and it had reminded her of the child she had just lost, Stevie also couldn’t believe how insensitive she had been to Lindsey, she had basically told him he didn’t understand how it felt to lose a baby, but he did because he was right when he said it was his baby to

Stevie suddenly heard footsteps walk up the stairs and so she walked to the door to see who it was, she poked her head round and saw it was Stella who was heading to her own room, Stevie could tell she had made the child cry and she hated herself for that, she needed to talk to her, so she stepped out onto the landing

“Stella...baby” Stevie called and the girl stopped and looked at Stevie

Stevie said nothing but she looked at her and held her arms open, Stella ran forward and launched herself into Stevie’s arms, she may have been big but it didn’t stop Stevie from picking her up of the ground

“I’m so sorry!” Stella said as she buried her face into Stevie’s neck

“Oh no, no sweetheart I’m the one that should be sorry, I adore the shawl”

“Then why...?” Stevie placed her back on the ground and took her hand

“Come in here and I’ll explain it”

Stevie and Stella walked into Lindsey’s bedroom and they both sat on the bed, Stella curled up against Stevie’s side and waited for her to talk

“First off I want you to know I take back what I said, I do want you, all three of you and I can’t apologise enough for making you think even for a second that I didn’t” Stella looked up at Stevie

“Why were you so mad at me?”

“Because you reminded me of something”

“What?” Stella questioned

“I found out last week I was having a baby” Stevie told her whist tears started to form

“It was dad’s baby too right?” Stella asked and placed her hand on Stevie’s stomach

“Yeah...It was your dad’s baby...but how did you know?” Stevie placed her hand over Stella’s

“Because whist you were at the hospital dad used to come home and cry in his room every night, he kept mumbling something about a baby” Stevie let her tears fall after hearing this and remembering what she had accused him of

“So what happened to the baby?” Stella asked, Stevie didn’t want her to know the whole truth so she told her the bits after her mother had hit her

“Well I’m not exactly young anymore and I...fell onto a table...and the baby wasn’t strong enough to cope...so we lost them” Stella reached up and wiped the tears from Stevie’s face

“I’m sorry, I would never have said about you being our mom if I would have known, I know it was soon to say that, but mom took off, and we have dad but I need a mom Stevie, there’s things I can’t talk to dad about” Stevie was heartbroken as she watched Stella start to cry

“Come here” she said and pulled Stella onto her lap and stroked the girl’s hair

“I’d love to be your mother Stella; in fact I can’t think of any other three beautiful children that I would rather call mine” She gave Stella a kiss on her head

“Really?”

“Really, really!” Stevie replied and watched a beaming smile form on the face in front of her

“It would have been nice to have a brother or sister that was younger than me”

“Yeah it would have been lovely, and I’m sorry I couldn’t make that happen for you”

The two of them sat there for a while just hugging and talking girly things

“Right it’s time for your bed now I think” Stevie told her and squeezed Stella one last time

“Okay, and thank you for telling me why you were mad, I thought you didn’t like me” Once again Stevie felt terrible guilt

“I’m so sorry for making you think that, I’ll make it up to you I promise!”

“Night night Stevie, I love you!” Stevie smiled and blew her a kiss

“I love you to sweetheart”

~

Stevie had accidently fell asleep soon after Stella had left and now she had woken up a few hours later, she was sad when she realised Lindsey hadn’t joined her, but she couldn’t blame him, she had made it right with Stella and now she would do the same with Lindsey so she went to go find him

She walked along the landing checking in all the spare bedrooms until she finally found him, he was laying facing away from the door, it was dark but when she walked over she could see his shoulders moving, she realised he was doing exactly what Stella had said he had been doing every night

Stevie rushed over and climbed into bed behind him wrapping her arms around him tightly and getting as close to him as she could, Lindsey turned over and engulfed her in a tight hug, burying his face in the side of her neck

“I’m so sorry Lindsey!” she tried but she was crying now to, Lindsey didn’t say anything he just squeezed her tighter

“I made it up with Stella, and I have to make it up with you, I love you!”

“I love you to!”

“I’m just so worried Linds” Lindsey pulled back a bit to look at her but he made sure they bodies were still touching

“Why what’s the matter?” he asked worried

“I’ve been on the internet, looking some stuff up on some medical sites and I’m suffering from something called a phantom pregnancy”

“That’s where you having symptoms of being pregnant right? But your actually not, that’s what one is isn’t it?” he questioned to which she nodded

“Yeah that’s the one, it’s common in women that have recently miscarried, like Lindsey, I keep thinking I feel something move and it’s killing me knowing there isn’t anything in there!” Stevie buried her head in his chest and cried, Lindsey once again pulled her to him, Stevie planted a kiss on his neck in thanks and she felt him freeze

“Lindsey what?” she asked worried he didn’t want her

“I have to go somewhere!” he told her and got out of bed and slung his clothes on

“Where? Lindsey look we don’t have to do anything...” she asked tears coming to her eyes

Lindsey just took his coat of the chair and walked to the bedroom door

“I’ll be back” he said and walked out, Stevie heard the front door go and couldn’t do anything but cry and wonder what she had done wrong

Once again I would like to thank you for reading and also for keeping me wanting to write because you tell me your enjoying it! so thank you so much! xo