Moments to live

FLASHBACK

"Bella I need to tell you something..." Ryan hesitated.

"Yeah sure go on, I am listening." I sat on a bench in the park.

"Bell..."

"Ryan! I am worried tell me!" my heartbeat was racing up, I was worried.

"Bella... I...I...I think you are looking like a frog nowadays." he burst into laughter.

"How dare you! I am gonna kill you!" I pouted but was too tired to punch him.

"You have become weak Bella," he said while sitting beside Bella.

"Yeah, I have started my medication again," Bella, replied.

"What medication? You never mentioned before," his eyes were full of worries.

"Yeah I used to take medications for my mental health but I stopped taking my meds for few months but now I again started taking my meds," I remained silent cause I had no proper reason why I had left my meds.

"Don't worry I will not ask you why?" he patted my head.

I lost in his deep ocean eyes for a few minutes. Once again, it seems like everything had just stopped. Only he and me. I instantly remembered his rejection so I just broke the eye contact. We both acted awkwardly.

"So tell me Bell anything interesting nowadays?" Ryan tried to break the invisible ice between us.

"Nothing is interesting..." I remembered, "Ooh yeah Zeke and I become close friends I guess"

"That's cool" Ryan smiled.

To be honest I was not satisfied with his reaction. I just dodged off my thinking.

"Do you like to read?" I asked him randomly.

"Yeah I like to read, I love romance, mystery, thriller, and fantasy," Ryan answered he laid his back on the chair in a comfortable position and closed his eyes, he seemed tired.

I had never seen him so tired, I did not know why but it broke my heart into a million pieces.

"Are you okay?" I put my hands on his shoulder.

He didn't open his eyes and just nodded.

An urge inside me started to grow up. I was in a dilemma if I should tell him or not cause when the last time I confessed, it messed up everything.

"Ryu I wanna say something...uh but..." Ryan interrupted before I could say anything.

"Just go ahead no need of my permission or whatever"

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

"You know I didn't have trust issues or anything like this problem before" I paused and open my eyes to see his reaction.

He has already opened his beautiful shining eyes and staring toward me like a kid who was very curious about something new.

I again closed my eyes and continued "I was in my middle school when everything took a turn, I was hardly 13, our family was very rich we lived in Boston, I was a popular kid of my school many friends, my happiest days ever." I paused as my eyes formed tears. I wiped out my tears and continued "But soon my happy days turned into a nightmare. My father's business went all down so he had to find a job but that job was not enough to pay all the expenses so my mother also had to find a job but still it was not enough for all the expenses. The worst time didn't end there it was just the starting. I get to know that most of my friends were with me for money, it broke my heart and I cried all day and night. Students there started to bully me and I started to lose my self-confidence and all. My parents were bickering on a daily basis and constantly bringing up the topic divorce. It was hell for me. I was all alone and scared. I become the school's social pariah."

Ryan's eyes were filled with tears, was it for sympathy? Didn't know but it doesn't seem like for sympathy but guilt? Guilt for what? Maybe I was overthinking.

I continued, "My situation cause me to stress a lot, I started to live an unhealthy lifestyle like skipping meals and all. I even started to hallucinate things. My parents saw my condition and took me to the therapist and I was diagnosed with Schizophrenia. The doctor started my medication as soon as possible. We had to transfer because of the expenses of our living and school was high there. However, even transferring didn't help my condition I was still the social outcast of my new school, my parents were arguing, my life became like hell. I was full of trust issues, low self-esteem, and self-hatred, and whatnot."

Ryan gave me a small sad smile and patted my hands. For the first time I was feeling so good and light. I didn't know why I even started to reveal about my past but I felt good. There was no sign of judgment in the face of Ryan. Only a friendly sad smile.

"You are very strong Bell, you are strong enough to start everything again." a tear left his eyes.

I swept the salty crystal fluid from his face. I didn't want to be the reason for his tears but only the smiles.

"I stopped my medication a week before meeting you but you become my medication in my life Ryu." a tear left my eyes but this time Ryan didn't sweep it up. He turned his face opposite of mine; it feels like he was hiding his tears.

I asked him, "Ryan? Is everything okay? You don't seem good"

"Bell, w-what if-if I say I will be the cause of your pain in your life?" he was hesitant to say, "What will you choose happiness in your life or the pain which is me?"

"Wanna know my honest opinion?" I smiled and stared at the stars, "I will choose happy pain which is you! If you become the reason for my pain then you will be the best pain in my life and you can't change my decision cause you said it's my choice."

"You will regret," Ryan replied.

"Let me"

We just starred at each other's eyes. Our silence was talking a lot; it was making a lot of noise and chaos but no one to listen except us. Did I use us? Yeah, that moment made me feel like us. No Kiss, no touch, no talk but felt like our soul become one. Not he not me but us...

'That day was the day when I get to know he only loved me, he didn't tell me I love you! But the moment taught me that everything doesn't need to be told but to understand. But yes he really did become my pain but my happy pain and I didn't regret it.'

Author's Note~

Hey Guys! Update! I know it has been long but sorry :( Do you like the chapter? Don't forget to comment, vote, and share! Love you all!